Archive for Quiz

In his Letter to Menoeceus, ancient philosopher Epicurus writes that a wise man “thinks it better to be unfortunate in reasonable action than to prosper in unreason. For it is better in a man’s actions that what is well chosen should fail, rather than that what is ill chosen should be successful owing to chance.”

Discuss the extent to which the above statement applies to recently retired manager Tony LaRussa and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position. Also, meditate on the image embedded here and ask yourself — aloud, if you need to — if this is more likely the (a) best or (b) most absurd of all possible worlds.

You have 30 minutes for this section of the test.

I am wagering you, dear reader, just read the above caption in Arnold Schwarzenegger’s voice.

Do not worry, such is only normal when face-to-monitor-to-face with Arnold’s acting majesty. From his treasure trove of a film archive, most critics agree that A. Schwarzenegger’s best on-screen performance was as the baby-toting lead in Junior, but his second-best feat of ACTING was no doubt his risky portrayal of Mr. Freeze in one of the batman movies oh who really gives a crap.

Well, little-beknownst to, y’know, everyone, Mr. Freeze is in fact the real-life father of base-baller David Freese, who’s unimaginable Game 6 heroics in the 2011 World Series not only amazed a nation (America) and sickened a sub-nation (Texas), but also no-doubt earned the highest marks from his fictional real-life father.

Now, the government removed the cameras I had stowed in Mr. Freeze’s home office, or something, so we are left to our imagination-bones to try to figure out what his immediate reaction was / would have been ’twere he not one of the worst fake super-villains of all time.

Feel free to add your own suggestions in the comments.

A multitude of thanks to Brian S for the idea, the image, and one of the poll questions. Consider me merely a conduit of his genius.

Good morning, Internet denizens.  Be aware that you will find within the words of this post two pictures.  One of the subjects of said pictures is an 80 year old man who has managed the Chicago Cubs to within a fortnight of the World Series, been touched roughly by the divine hands of Pedro Martinez, and finished exactly two hits shy of the 775 he needed to take up permanent residence in the hall of fame of our hearts.  The other is a little freeloader, who, as of two weeks hence, has taken up residence in my house without paying rent, wreaked havoc with my sleep patterns, peed on my bed, and couldn’t be bothered to use her words.  Can you guess which is the baby and which is the Zim-baby?

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Two points for every “yes” response.

Have you ever…
1. Been in a fantasy league?
2. …more than five in a season?
3. …more than ten?
4. Done a mock draft, just for fun?
5. …even when they stopped being fun?
6. …even while you had other things you knew you should have been doing, and the idea of practicing for a fake thing by doing an even more fake thing made you feel like the most useless person in the world, yet you couldn’t resist?
7. Owned a copy of Ron Shandler’s Baseball Forecaster?
8. …an autographed copy?
9. Told a major league player that he was on your team?
10. …asked him to steal more bases?
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For all of her many virtues, Hannah Ehrlich — of River Ave Blues and the Twitters, respectively — occasionally forces innocent bystanders to think the dark thoughts. Nor is there a more representative case of her doing so than in the tweet you see embedded above, in which Ehrlich asks us to imagine what Nick Swisher would do with magic powers, had he access to them.

After a brief period of “vomiting” — followed by a longer period of “talking to my therapist” — I’ve finally come to terms with the mental pictures Ehrlich’s question generated. Now it’s my intention to thrust those same horrible mental pictures into the bespectacled reader’s mind, as well, via this entirely original, single-question quiz.

Hope you don’t fail!

Click to Gordon your Beckham.

It’s former major-league second baseman, manager and coach Chuck Cottier!

No. 2 pencils up! Please click Prodigy/AltaVista-enabled link below!

(Image, yo: Wrigley Wax)