Yes, I’m positive that’s not Don Mattingly. And, no, I couldn’t find a better picture of Eric Chavez’s new mustache.

But it’s there. Look closely, and you can see it. And it’s not just any mustache, either. It’s what I like to call a Comeback ‘Stache.

The mustachioed Chavez hit his first home run as a member of the New York Yankees Wednesday night; his first home run since May 11, 2010. He finished 3-for-6, and drove four runs across home plate. It was his most productive game in years. Literally: years. Coincidence? Probably not.

Image credit: The Associated Press, via Yahoo! Sports.

A daguerreotype for your review …

Survey this man’s bewitching countenance, and you’ll find it inevitable that his name is … Adrian Devine.

There are names so heavy-handed in their suitability that they seem plucked from some Hawthorne novel that the professorial and elbow-patched among us say you must read. So what do you name a man whose aspect suggests a Picaresque life of invading boudoirs and ripping bodices? You name him Adrian Devine. Or Caspian Sexworth. But probably Adrian Devine.

Using Jon Dyer’s blog as reference, I’m likely to identify Padre reliever Luke Gregerson’s facial hair situation as a Zappa — although with more of a Pencil, and less of a Chevron/Police, situation on the upper lip.

To click, perchance to embiggen.

No sensible person would call the thing on Joel Hanrahan’s face a mustache. Some pretty thorough research reveals that there really is no word for what Hanrahan has — or, no English word, I should say. In fact, the Polish do appear to have a term for it: wuj moszna, I think it is. Pronounced just like it’s spelled, one imagines.

Little to nothing is going right for the Seattle Mariners this year. Save for the mustaches of Eric Wedge and now Brendan Ryan, and, well, all their stellar pitching, Seattle’s 2011 season is a lost one.

Amid all that losing, though, Ryan has found reason to smile. He does, after all, lead the Mariners in WAR. And if you’re wondering what Ryan’s mustache has to do with his team-leading 2.1 WAR, the answer is obvious: everything.

Image credit: Reuters, via daylife.

In celebration of last night’s record-setting performance in Arlington, I thought it appropriate to post something appropriate. What’s appropriate in this instance? Players of ball, obviously. And eyewear, natch. And, of course, bewhiskered upper lips. Come with me, won’t you?

Craig Kusick of the Twins …

“Ya see, here at the plumber’s local, we wear Foster Grants. If I was you, I might consider doing the same.”

Dennis Lamp of the Cubs …

“Do cats have grandparents?”

Jeff McKnight of the Orioles …

“Baseball. Pontiac Firebird. Uriah Heep.”

It has become apparent John Axford has recently joined or is petitioning for membership in the ever-popular bike gang the Hell’s Brewers. His time-tested, well-feared facial hair arrangement tells us his in fact a shoe-in:

Click to reverse-shrink it!

For reference, here is John Axford a mere 30 years ago:

And here is John Axford circa yesterday, on his way to the ballpark:

What follows is the work of a YouTube auteur that’s titled, “Dancing Baseball With Mustache.” In this, the age of half-truths, the age in which deception has become hardwired instinct, it warms the heart cockles to learn that, yes, this is indeed a video of a dancing baseball with mustache. In fact, this baseball does what he does — i.e., dances while wearing a mustache on his fake face and a mangled farmer’s tan on his adorable grafted arms — for almost five full minutes. Some might call that boring. In turn, some might call that high treason.

When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to watch almost five full minutes of a Dancing Baseball With Mustache, then that is what we do …

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3O2LMBcp9ss

This video is presented without comment, except to say that:

(a) This video has been made available to the world courtesy OMGreds.

(b) It (i.e. the video) was brought to our attention by Loyal -Graphs reader Randy.

(c) In lieu of personal glory, Loyal -Graphs reader Randy asks that you maybe aid and abet in destroying MS.

Behold, fathom and regard …

No, contrary to appearances, that’s not the bassist for Grand Funk backstage in a Cards jersey. That’s Randy Poffo, vastly better known by his nom de guerre, Randy “Macho Man” Savage. As you can plainly see, even as a fresh-faced youth the Macho Man was fond of buccaneering sojourns at the gun show, albeit a gun show less enhanced than in later, more famous years.

The image comes to us via this thoroughly adequate SI piece on the Macho Man’s minor-league baseball career. Said baseball career was rather forgettable — inasmuch as quality time with Tito Landrum can ever be “forgettable” — but the recently departed Poffo’s legend within the squared circle is secure and will remain so until the mountains crumble into the sea.

And speaking of the mountains crumbling into the sea, any ideas as to what spared us from the tentatively scheduled rapture last Saturday? Yeah, that’s right, a certain former minor-league catcher spared us from the tentatively scheduled rapture last Saturday …

Oooh. Yeah.