A cursory look into Bob Anderson and his wikipedia page last week uncovered one of the wackiest plays in baseball history. Of course, it made sense to diagram it.
Over the weekend, an anonymous — and very disgruntled — employee of the New York Metropolitans took part in New York Magazine’s feature, “A Workplace Confidential.” No punches were pulled. Witness:
It’s really sad to see what the Mets have become: A great franchise, on the biggest stage in sports, is now a laughingstock. Ownership is trying to turn the Mets, a big-market franchise, into a small-market franchise. That’s not just sad, it’s disgusting.
You know what I think when I read about the Mets nowadays? We’ve become the Oakland A’s. We’re the Pittsburgh Pirates. Our fans deserve better than that. You can’t possibly build a dynasty when you’re cutting costs left and right. The only way to turn it around is to sell the team.
Nobody wants to be compared to the A’s. Or the Pirates. Especially not the Pirates. I mean, at least the A’s have Moneyball, a 20-game win streak, the playoffs, and a feature film starring Brad Pitt. The Pirates have nothing save for PNC Park. And Andrew McCutchen. But back to the Mets. It gets worse. Prepare to say goodbye to David Wright:
Reyes and David Wright were the heart of that team. Those were the guys the Mets had to build around. But now that Reyes is in Miami, Wright will be traded by the All-Star break. If they’re going to run this like a small-market team, that’s the way it’s going to unfold. If I’m David Wright, I’d want to be gone.
That’s because it’s going to be a long summer–you’re talking about last place. It’s a tough division all of a sudden. Who do we have that’s going to beat Stephen Strasburg or Cliff Lee? Who’s going to match up against Tim Hudson or Tommy Hanson? We won’t even be able to beat Mark Buehrle. Everyone in the division has at least one big weapon that we don’t have.
And all of a sudden, I’m looking forward to watching Mark Buehrle face the Mets.
Anyway, after spending almost all of Monday morning, afternoon, and night on the phone, exhausting all our sources, the resolute NotGraphs Investigative Reporting Investigation Team has personally informed me that they’ve confirmed the identity of New York Magazine’s anonymous writer: Mr. Met.
When I reached Mr. Met for comment, he initially denied that he’d written the piece:
The NotGraphs Investigative Reporting Investigation team has confirmed, through highly placed sources, that the following is a Thing That Actually Happened. At this time, we know little else about this thing, but it happened and elicited in onlookers emotions ranging from “happy-lucky” to “no more of this; leave me the hell be.” Again, we know it happened:
True, there is no baseball here. But there once was. And there shall be again.
Over the weekend, Tim Brown of Yahoo Sports provided some details on Albert Pujols’ contract with the Angels, noting that the first baseman will receive $3 million for his 3,000th career hit and $7 million for his 763rd career home run.
With all due respect to Mr. Brown’s reportage, he appears to have omitted some of the more peculiar elements of the 10-year pact. Fortunately for all of society, our Investigative Reporting Investigation Team has performed the diligence due such a sizable deal.
Here are some of the unreported — but totally, definitely true — particulars of the Pujols contract:
• To confirm the verity of Pujols’s reported age, the Angels requested he provide not only a long-form birth certificate, but also a startling minute-by-minute account of the birth by Colombian novelist Gabriel Garcia Marquez, who was present in Santo Domingo at the time. Early reports suggest that Pujols’ mother was not, in fact, a human woman, but the very butterfly after whom the Effect of the same name was coined.
While the majority of baseballers use their respective offseasons to the end of playing golf and/or impregnating females, this tweet (courtesy MLB Trade Rumors) reveals that Texas Ranger second baseman Ian Kinsler dedicates at least some of his leisure time to decidedly more scholarly pursuits — namely, lively discourses with Ranger GM Jon Daniels et al. on the subject of FDR’s revolutionary economic programs of the early 1930s.
While we’re unable to confirm the information at this time, the NotGraphs Investigative Reporting Investigation Team has reason to believe that Kinsler’s next conversation with the Rangers will concern, specifically, the Wagner Act of 1935.
When Marlins beat writer Joe Capozzi tweeted that Albert Pujols’s decision was “Coming down to wire, possibly before sunrise,” we knew it would be a long day for those poor souls down there at the Winter Meetings in Dallas journalisming all over the place to stay energized so they could keep us all up to date with the latest journalism. (Click = Embiggen.)
Luckily, there is a Denny’s on site so those involved can stay energized, like Dodgers writer Dylan Hernandez, and continue to provide us with this great service.
Godspeed, sir.
This was one Dave Gershman on October 31st, 2011, just as the Hot Stove season picked up. Sunday night, the Miami Marlins made their first major as representatives of Miami, adding Jose Reyes on a six-year, $106 million deal. Suffice to say, that makes Jose Reyes a “big free agent.”
And yet, here we are, 10:30 AM Eastern Time, and we have no proof of this kitten eating he promised the world. Make no mistake — neither myself nor NotGraphs as a whole support nor condone the act of kitten eating. This is not about some sick desire to see a fellow man ingest a kitten — a certainly poor and defenseless creature! No, this is about accountability. What good are our claims as writers, as bloggers, as so-called experts, if we do not back them up with actions?
Mr. Gershman has provided excuses; he has attempted misdirection. But we are not fooled. These claims are not taken lightly in the blogger community. When we make promises, we back them up in this community. If even one does not, it reflects poorly on all of us, and it is simply unacceptable.
With every minute that passes without proof of the completed act, Mr. Gershman’s credibility dwindles further. You are on the spot now, Mr. Gershman. Your move.
Our sources have released yet-seen footage of the Jonathan Papelbon negotiations with the Philadelphia Phillies GM, Ruben Amaro Jr. It cost many lives to retrieve this information:
Many thanks for the share belong to reader M. Santaspirt — no, that’s too obvious — Matthew S.
Recently, abiding reader jcxy floated a Sketchy Internet Rumor of a Rich Garces bobble-belly. Needless to say, upon hearing said rumor the NotGraphs Investigative Reporting Investigation Team sprung to handsome action. After 12 or so tense seconds of Computer Googling, “Sketchy Internet Rumor” became “Internet True Fact.” Bear fat witness:
This has been two things: the last time I doubt anything on the Internet and your Daguerreotype of the Evening.
As Rob Biertempfel of the Pittsburgh Tribune did earlier today, a number of sportswriters have — in the interest of full disclosure — released their ballots for the various end-of-season awards.
As part of their intrepid work, our Investigative Reporting Investigation Team has acquired fictional sportscaster Champ Kind’s ballot for the 2011 National League MVP award, the winner of which will be announced at 2 p.m. today (Tuesday).
“How did you come across the ballot of a fictional person?” perhaps the reader is asking, while perhaps adding: “What this seems like is merely a hollow attempt to attract page views by associating content with a film/character that kills in the age 18-34 demographic.” To which I reply: “Shut your face, reader that I made up who seems to have an unnatural understanding of my worst fears.”
Now, with that out of the way, here’s how Kind voted: 1. Steve Garvey / 2. Steve Garvey / 3. Steve Garvey / 4. Rod Stewart’s Unbridled Libido / 5. Erotic Fondue / 6. Steve Garvey / 7. Steve Garvey / 8. Musk, the scent / 9. Steve Garvey / 10. Ryan Braun