Dear Cubs Public Relations,

I have your next seventh-inning stretch singer here. All he requires for his appearance is three tickets to Chicago from California, a sippy cup of milk, and a hot dog (perhaps an adult soda for his handler). He might not start out perfectly, but hey, it’s not like Ozzy Osbourne knew any the lyrics to Take Me Out. And anyway, it’s all about the finish. This candidate finishes with gusto.

If you’d like to book this act, please contact our agent, Banknotes Harper, at the cc’ed address.

Thank you for your attention,

Eno Sarris

I have no witty words, other than perhaps a mention that mispronunciation must run in the family. Otherwise, I have only blatant use of my son for all the page hits.

Yes, you got it right son. So right.

Become acquainted with all of Eno Sarris’s flawless pronunciations by clicking this hyperlinked text.

Become acquainted with all of Eno Sarris’s flawless pronunciations by clicking this hyperlinked text.

Become acquainted with all of Eno Sarris’s flawless pronunciations by clicking this hyperlinked text.

Previously: Eric Jagielo / Trey Michalczewski.

Previously: Trey Michalczewski.

RotoGraphs editor Eno Sarris has demonstrated — during any number of appearances on FanGraphs Audio and/or VIP-type meetings among the site’s VIP-type managers — has demonstrated a singular ability to mispronounce every name there is, mostly.

With the existence of said ability having been established, NotGraphs presents here an excerpt from Sarris’s Entirely Unhelpful Guide to the Pronunciation of Certain Baseballers’ Names — with audio clips of Sarris himself abusing the spoken language much like one might a disobedient horse.

While we make no effort here to say what the right pronunciations are of the following prospects’ names, we will say that all of Sarris’s attempts are very likely wrong.

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