Dayn Perry and I are recording his clearly absurd (and now, it appears, semi-weekly) podcast appearance at 1pm ET tomorrow (Wednesday).
Feel free to submit questions for Perry — whose days on Earth on very clearly numbered — in the comment section below.
Those concerned about creeping Maoism will recall that Four Loko — the drink that helpfully combined restorative caffeine with mind-clearing alcohol — was banned by the meddlesome crypto-Etruscans at the FDA. After all, taking our guns away is easier when we’re neither awake nor drunk.
Anyhow, base-ball-ing legend Boileryard Clarke, who has for years sustained himself on a diet of nothing more than hooch and punched-out constables, has entered the fray and wielded his celebrity like a sword that looks like a dick.
So please do drink deeply of first the following paid advertisement and then a high-reaching pour of Four Loko …
Play better base ball and beat back tertiary syphilis with Four Loko.
A simple request this weekend begat a nerdgasm: Maury Brown asked for favorite concert on twitter, and just a little listicle tickling jarred something loose.
It wasn’t so much the particulars of the list. I’ve liked a lot of bands, and in my case, it was as easy as picking the best of each genre. Phish played from before midnight till dawn of 2001 in the swamps in Florida, that was pretty amazing. One of the hipster halloween shows — Flaming Lips in London or Fischerspooner in New York — had to be there, although since I was a perfect Kenny G in New York, I suppose that’s the pick. Arthur Lee and Love got the ‘orchestral arrangement’ pick. Amon Tobin’s ISAM got the electronica pick, even if Goldie at The End in London was epic. Burning Spear with 500 people on the beach in Negril got the reggae bid. The Meters at the Fillmore for funk. Goldfinger and Reel Big Fish together in some category or another, even if Less Than Jake’s spiderman dude makes for a lot of fun. Ratatat at Terminal Five has to register.
When I got to the hip hop entry, the saber side of me began to percolate.
Recent reports from myriad reputable media outlets all confirm: FanGraphs is the most popular internet site on the internet. What this means, so far as Fame and Riches and Fame are concerned, is that we can and do have more of them. What else this means, though — especially in light of the main site’s universally beloved redesign, which features NotGraphs perhaps slightly more prominently than before — is that NotGraphs is now being visited more often by a sort of reader who might not be prepared for the sort of charming falsehoods which are this site’s bread and also its butter.
To that end, CEO and founder and noted sexpert David Appelman has suggested that NotGraphs begin featuring disclaimers which speak to the site’s legitimacy, or lack thereof. “Might they be of an irreverent nature?” I have asked Appelman regarding said disclaimers. To which question he has responded by slapping me and cursing my existence. So, yes, is the answer I’m supposing.
The present author has composed five such warnings, each of which is likely to be eclipsed in quality by the bespectacled readership, who are encouraged now to submit their own amusing and legal-ish disclaimers.
1. NotGraphs: The Misleading Voice in Baseball Journalism.
2. NotGraphs: The Names Are Real. The Problems, Likely Fake.
3. NotGraphs: Lies, Damned Lies… End of List.
4. NotGraphs: Missing the Forest and the Trees.
5. NotGraphs: Exercising Due Negligence.
There are jokes, reader, and then there are jokes — the difference being primarily that one kind of them is italicized.
On a probably related noted, the editors of Tumblr account Baseball Card Vandals improve baseball cards via Sharpie-brand markers, with results that one might alternately describe as “grotesque” and “whimsical” — and even “Dadaist in spirit,” were one feeling emboldened.
Like in this instance:
Please allow me to review ESPN’s Top 100 base ball players.
— Old Hoss Radbourn (@OldHossRadbourn) December 11, 2012
Readers who have found their way to this corner of the internet clearly possess both (a) discriminating literary tastes and (b) the exact perfect amount of free time. Also, they’re helping to pay my salary. Congratulations on all accounts.
Having said that, readers should now find their respective ways to another part of the internet — specifically, the one with Old Hoss Radbourn’s Twitter account on it. There, from the shadowy beyond, Old Hoss is currently reviewing ESPN’s ranking of baseball’s top-100 players ever.
For example:
#80: C. Gehringer. A worthy inclusion. Stole the 1937 MVP award from an Italian. Good man and fine patriot.
— Old Hoss Radbourn (@OldHossRadbourn) December 11, 2012
Dayn Perry and I are recording his stupid weekly podcast appearance at 11am ET tomorrow (Wednesday).
Feel free to submit questions or comments or a brief description of your nightmares in which Perry has appeared in the comment section below — or don’t, as, after all, we’re all going to die someday.
I have taken the necessary and gravely belated step of petitioning the federal government to imprison Carson Cistulli for treason. To make this happen, we need your voice …
I have no doubt that deep-cover communists with work to undermine the will of people, so please do sign the petition while you still can.
And former major-leaguer Ramiro Mendoza is pitching for Panama. Against Brazil. In a World Baseball Classic qualifier.
Here’s the video link: video. And the box score: box.
“Let’s start with pins,” Adam Smith says.
“You want pins? The little metal things? Cost a couple of cents each? Sure. But let’s say you can’t go to the store. Let’s say there is no store, so you’ve got to make them yourself. Let’s say you have all the metal you need. How many pins could you make in a day? One? Five or ten, once you got good at it? But they’d be awful. You’d make really awful pins. You don’t even know how bad you are at pin-making, because you’ve never tried, but trust me, you’re even worse.