Some marriages are built on passion and excitement. Some are built on a deep sense of trust and friendship.  Some are built on one spouse completely ignoring the feelings of the other.

For instance, perhaps Hall of Fame Manager Bucky Harris should have run his plan for the wedding cake past his blushing bride, Miss Elisabeth Sullivan, some time before their Autumn 1926 wedding attended by President Calvin Coolidge and The Big Train, Walter Johnson:

Then the newly minted Mrs. Harris would not have to try (and fail) to hide her complete and total disgust with her husband in front of the President and The Greatest Pitcher Who Ever Lived.  If there is one comfort to be taken from this picture, it is that Silent Cal appreciated a good glare, and offered to make her Secretary of the Navy.

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While it seems odd to make a baked good in commemoration of a ceremonial first pitch, I’m forced to assume that’s what this is …

The civilian’s pants, the nervously clinched legs, the ill-fitting jersey, the forced smile, the scarcely prehensile way in which he clamps the ball — what about this doesn’t bellow “the instant before a ceremonial first pitch”? Given the gentleman’s palpable distress, it is certain that a humiliating short-hop in front of thousands soon followed. This cake, then, serves but one purpose: to remind him that he is now and forevermore something less than what we think of when we think of a man.

This has been your Daguerreotype of the Evening.

Yes, I too wonder where the hot dogs are.

Let’s see if we can answer your questions right out of the gate.

Yes, there is a site dedicated to making logos with food. Yes, that is an Oakland A’s logo made of relish and mustard. Yes, it’s both brilliant and useless. No, it isn’t plausible to ask anyone with any taste (cultural or epicurean) to eat a mustard and ketchup Pee-Wee Herman. Yes, the deconstructed red pepper of a Texas Rangers logo looks both disgusting and delicious, depending on how hungry you are and how much you like the Rangers. No, I do not want any pureed chicken salad, portobello mushroom and pepper Jason Voorhees. No, I do not know what the artist’s goals are. Yes, I also hope he really likes food that looks nigh inedible.

Hopefully that answers all your questions because thus concludes your lesson on the daguerreotype of the day.

It turns out that your Daguerreotype of the Evening fits in nicely with one of the most cherished and august of NotGraphs categories. Please regard …

As you can see, this delicious baked good features Rangers frowning supreme exchequer Nolan Ryan in his younger, less jowly days. He is behorsed. He is cocksure. He twice walked more than 200 batters in a season.

The Appreciator will also appreciate that there are plastic horses on the cake. This is a flourish that can rightly be called “delightful.” There are also healthy examples of high-plains flora on the cake. This is flourish that can rightly be called “verisimilitudinous.”

Here at NotGraphs, our fondness for base-and-ball-themed cakes is what all the kids are talking about. So tonight it is with enthusiasm that is at once half-bridled and half-unbridled that the writer presents your Daguerreotype of the Evening …

As you can plainly see, the above cake recreates some randy grabbing on the part of Mr. Rodriguez — a sequence of decisions and violations known among the moneyed and genteel as, “The Presumptuous Cad and His Discontents.”

(Unsolicited fondling: Sports Pickle)

No doubt roused to action by our new “Cakes” category, reader Yirmiyahu, wearer of monocles and four-button spats, calls the writer’s attention to this, which is a surely delicious gingerbread rendering of Sandy Koufax’s 1965 perfect game …

If you’re interested in answering questions like “Why would someone do this?” and “Why wouldn’t someone do this?” and “Was graph paper involved at any point during the planning stages?” and “Did the light towers at one time look like tensed and determined phalli?” then please do go here.

There’s something beautiful about it — something haphazardly Van Gogh-ian. It may have been made by someone who had never decorated a cake before or perhaps an experienced pastry chef newly encumbered by hot-dog fingers. Lo, the pastiche!

Were it not so rough-hewn, were it more touched by choosy artifice, then it would not be what it is, which is Your Johnny Damon Cake of the Day …

Even though I don’t need to tell you that NotGraphs now has a category called “Cakes,” I am nonetheless going to tell you that NotGraphs now has a category called “Cakes.”

(Cake smash: She Walks Softly)