Caravaggio’s The Incredulity of Saint Thomas.
Here are three dreams I’ve had about baseball:
1. I’m at a familiar cafe in Madison, WI. One moment, the barista is there, behind the counter like normal; the next, he’s gone, replaced by Dick Allen. No one seems to notice, except for… no, it couldn’t be… yes, it is… Haley Joel Osment.
Arthur Rhodes has pitched for 20 seasons and nine different major-league teams. In addition to his mastery of left-handed batters, Rhodes has also mastered his passions via the practice of Zen Buddhism.
Central to the practice of Zen is koan study. Wikipedia informs us that a koan
consists of a story, dialogue, question, or statement, the meaning of which cannot be understood by rational thinking but may be accessible through intuition or lateral thinking. One widely known koan is “Two hands clap and there is a sound; what is the sound of one hand?”
Recently, NotGraphs has found a collection of koans that encapsulate Rhodes’ compiled wisdom, generally involving dialogues he’s had with younger teammates. NotGraphs will share these periodically for the spiritual benefit of the readership.
Rhodes on the meaning of baseball:
Mitch Moreland asked Arthur Rhodes, “What is Baseball?” Rhodes said, “Three pounds of flax.”
Albert Pujols was here.
Among the playlists by which MLB.com classifies the videos at their internetting site is one called Must C. It’s in this category that one finds particularly noteworthy (i.e. “must see“) moments captured on film.
As part of the “Must C” conceit, each video is assigned a word that begins with that letter (i.e. C). One can find, for example, among the most recent selections “Must C Championship: Cardinals clinch 11th title” and “Must C Craig: Craig blasts a homer, makes great grab” and “Must C Clutch: Freese ties it with a two-run double”.
As we enter the 2012 season, there will undoubtedly be occasions on which the MLB.com editorial team will be tasked with producing c-words under great pressure. We at NotGraphs humbly submit the following three words, which also happen to be the three c-words most recently added to the Oxford English Dictionary.
C-Word: Chemtrail
Example: Must C Chemtrail: Pujols launches homer, sprays chemical agent at high altitude as part of secret government program.
C-Word: Chermoula
Example: Must C Chermoula: Pujols shares his favorite Mediterranean dishes.
C-Word: Challan
Example: Must C Challan: Pujols issues an official form or document, such as a receipt, invoice, or summons.
As every survivalist knows, it’s not always possible to offload your pressing emergencies onto the broad-shouldered likes of John Buck. Sometimes, one must take matters into one’s own hands. So what follows is useful for the fan of base and ball who is also concerned about the rise of a global currency, a resident of any Michigan city center, suspicious that the other shoe is about drop, of the steadfast belief that the Rubicon has been crossed, and or a damned loon:
Post-modern side table or instrument of a homesteader’s righteous and bloody justice? Yes, it would seem.
(Ham radio and canned foodstuffs: Dwell Well)
Louis demonstrates his lefty-handed circle-change.
Comedy giant Louis C.K. did an AMA thread on reddit, which would be familiar to non-reddit readers as an All Questions Answered thread, more or less.
It might have been as awesome as reddit is a horror to read. It’s like going back in time ten years on the internet, which is like going back in time a hundred years in real life. Something about the format promotes boredom. Or at least, that’s my excuse for almost missing this gem, buried in the thread:
Sometimes a man, comprehending simultaneously both the pointlessness and abject misery of this thing we call life, is compelled by angst to unleash upon the uncaring world a cathartic, primeval scream.
Other times a man, trapped inside the satchel of the wife of a baseball writer — a wife who absolutely promised the baseball writer that said man would be unharmed during transport but who then broke the man anyway and didn’t even really seem that sorry about — sometimes that man is compelled to unleash a cathartic, primeval scream, as well.
Othello (or O., as the kids are calling it these days), is ostensibly about revenge (or racism, as any collegiate Shakespeare survey course worth a damn will tell you), revolving around Iago and his plan to unravel the titular character. Said plan is devious and complex, involving multiple moving parts and perfect timing. I haven’t read it in a long, long time – and I haven’t even thought about it since I was dozing off in the back of forementioned Shakespeare survey course worth a damn – but I do remember that things end up pretty badly for all involved. And that there was something important about a handkerchief.
Anyways, this prank is kind of like that.
WHO SAID IT: Matt Cain, or Herman Cain?
1. “To be able to go nine innings was completely amazing. That was definitely a little different, going straight over to the catcher and going back to the mound to shake hands.”
2. “OK, Libya. [pause] President Obama supported the uprising, correct? President Obama called for the removal of Gadhafi. I just wanted to make sure we’re talking about the same thing before I say, ‘Yes, I agreed’ or ‘No I didn’t agree.’ I do not agree with the way he handled it for the following reason — nope, that’s a different one. [pause] I gotta go back and see. I got all this stuff twirling around in my head. Specifically, what are you asking me that I agree or not disagree with Obama?”
You will often hear those given to bemoaning bemoan the notion that Kids Today don’t play pickup baseball with the frequency or vigor that they did back in the days of the bemoaner. But, lo, there is good news! Thanks to an enterprising Japanese astronaut, we now know that any young stripling can hone his baseball chops with nothing more than a bat, a ball and a readily available zero-gravity environment. No need for friends or neighborhood confreres! Witness, my love:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsNFqMtNZvI&feature=player_embedded
He balked.
(HT: The Internet)
The Internet teaches us that A’s catcher Kurt Suzuki is attempting to gain weight this offseason by shoving down his gullet at least 4,000 calories each day. As Aaron pithily notes, Suzuki is being a crashing bore about the whole thing by choking down things like smoothies and turkey burgers. Clearly, Mr. Suzuki, in his bid to become larger and more in charger, needs some help.
So, in the interest of making Mr. Suzuki a more compelling Leisured Gentleman, we present these alternative routes to consuming four score and 3,920 calories in a day:
So, Mr. Suzuki, as you can see there’s really no cause to soldier on with banalities like “vegetables” and “meats not likely to lead to a CDC-declared Hot Zone encircling the blast field.”
