To suggest that the author has spent nearly two hours of his Thursday night/Friday morning browsing through videos of outfielders recording spectacular assists would be to suggest a true thing.
To suggest that same thing within the vicinity of the author’s wife would be what is known generally as an “exercise in folly.”
El Venado Herido — or, in English, The Wounded Deer — is an instant masterpiece by Joseph. The image is of Joseph’s head placed on top of a stag, which is pierced with arrows. The arrows no doubt refer to his own pain and suffering due to having been demoted twice within the span of a month — this, despite his conspicuously mature offensive approach. At the bottom of the painting, Joseph has written “carma,” — one meaning of which is something like “destiny” or “fate.” In this painting, as in most of Joseph’s self-portraits, he presents himself as incapable of changing his own destiny.
Andrelton Simmons has admitted in a NotGraphs semi-exclusive that he has just hit puberty.
As we all know from experience, that journey can lead to all sorts of interesting places.
I am proud to release my latest film. It is entitled Ty Cobb: The Movie and it stars Ty Cobb and Paul Krichell.
As made more or less clear by the present author’s recent conversation with him, Voice of the Cardinals Mike Shannon is both (a) a man among men among still more men and (b) not likely to concern himself unduly with those matters which fall outside of Mike Shannon’s purview.
Such a matter appears to be a promotion currently being conducted by Mobil — which promotion invites listeners to advocate (via text message) on behalf of an already extant Mobile jingle, that it might become the walk-up music for a Cardinals player this season.
The motivations for the consumer to participate in said promotion aren’t immediately clear — neither in a general sense (to a person with reason, for example) nor, specifically, to Mike Shannon himself, who remains adamantly perplexed by it (i.e. the promotion) even while explaining it to listeners of Cardinals radio.
Watch this here 2 minutes and 3 seconds of shameless advertisement executed by none other than soon-to-be veterans-committee-elected Hall-of-Fame second baseman Bret Boone.
Why, these days, Ol’ Booney is hocking jerky and catching softballs. But when it comes to treating ladies, he plays hardball. “Cracked pepper for ladies!” He bellows between mead gulps. “And original for me!”
“Ooh,” say the entranced womenfolk, “whither can I acquire me some of that fine jerky?”
But they already have a plateful of Brandt’s Beef Jerky. It’s up to us to read the subtext.
This video obviously comes to us via the clammy hands of managing editor Dave Cameron.
Bob Uecker would like to remind the listener about the Milwaukee Braves Historical Association’s 15th Annual Testimonial Dinner, to be held on May 6th at the Potawatomi Bingo Casino and honoring former Braves Ray Crone and Frank Thomas.
He would also like to embezzle a little bit.
To wit:
Read the rest of this entry »
If rocks were capable of engaging in sexy lovemaking with each other, that would be strange. That’s one fact. A second fact is this, though: if rocks really could make love, their yawps of craggy pleasure would be indistinguishable from the normal speaking voice of St. Louis Cardinals radio broadcaster Mike Shannon.
Such a voice is well-suited to utter certain words. Words like cud, for example. And arse-ropes. And Beowulf.
A word that has no business either in or around Mike Shannon’s mouth, however, is chartreuse — a word so French that, after giving voice to it, one finds himself tempted either to smoke a cigarette or denounce the Zeitgeist or both simultaneously.
And yet chartreuse is precisely the word Mike Shannon found himself compelled to speak aloud during the first inning of this evening’s Pirates-Cardinals game.
To wit:
Read the rest of this entry »
In general, I feel okay in the clubhouse. Obviously, I’m the low man on the pole, and when I get the brush off, it’s fine. Nobody knows who I am. I understand. And when I feel a little awkward standing there fiddling with notes among half-dressed young men, I just have to look around and look at how awkward half the rest of the room feels and I’m more comfortable again. At least I’m not lugging heavy television equipment around or tugging at a tie.
All of that is not to say that I didn’t feel my heart in my shoes on Monday night in the Padres clubhouse:
Monday night in the Padres’ Clubhouse
In my defense, dude’s mustache is a full beard now, and he wasn’t sitting at his own locker. But, yeah. Still. I know. I know.
One might suppose, looking at the graphic here of Tampa Bay’s defensive alignment from their game earlier on Sunday against Oakland, that Sun Sports’ producers have made an error of some sort.
In fact, that isn’t the case. Instead, what we have here is an entirely accurate representation of the Rays’ most extreme and creative shift to date — one which requires not one, but two, Kelly Johnsons.