Few people have the capacity — the necessary on-the-moment machismo and swiftness of mind — to both brag about their 1% television set while also, quite simultaneously, laud their own physical attributes. Ladies and gentlemen, I present the hyper-licensed C.J. Wilson.
After about minute 1:07 in the following video, I began to lift Mr. Wilson to a new level of esteem. At first, I thought perhaps he is a modern-day Andy Kaufman, straight trolling the universe. But then I began to suspect that Wilson is in truth what the famed drinker of Dos Equis is in jest: The most interesting man in the world.
Which makes us ask: Would I actually hate hanging out with the most interesting man in the world, would I think of him as a living turd?
Also, Wilson reportedly has light switches to turn on and to turn off. Few things boil the pot of wealth jealousy than the ownership of light switches.
Many thanks to E. Moore for shoving this delightful video our way.
Bradley writes for FanGraphs and The Hardball Times. Follow him on Twitter @BradleyWoodrum.