Author Archive

Baseball Card Tourney: Pacella vs Alexander

It’s been a while since we checked in on the Baseball Card Tourney. It’s time to call the battle between Andre Dawson and Craig Biggio. Maybe it was never a battle — the three seed had a name that rhymed with awesome, after all. The rook and his disgusted look didn’t stand a chance. Dawson moves on.

In our next #3 versus #6 battle, we have two lesser known players getting ready to do battle. One of them won 100 games in the major leagues, so he gets the #3 seed. But maybe we’ll get a close one this time. Eh boys?


#3 1981 Topps Doyle Alexander
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Massaged Data; Shelved Studies


There’s power in your pine tar.

The newest bombshell in social science is actually the oldest story in any book: dude made up his results. It turns out we don’t know any more about the relationship of power to infidelity, or the link between chaos and prejudice, than we did last year. It turns out that Diederik Stapel made up all his results.

A more serious corollary to the baseball world might take note from the social scientists on the matter — we might start talking about the danger of massaging data in general. We could talk about the pressure to find salacious results, and how that changes the way we look at our numbers. We could talk about all the biases that get ignored, and so on.

But that’s no fun.

Let’s instead open up that drawer in my desk where I hastily stuffed all my research as soon as this scandal broke. As you can see, Mr. Stapel has scared me straight.

More Pine Tar Means More Power: A study of the relationship of pine tar levels on batting helmets to isolated slugging percentage.

Green Means Go: Do team colors impact team statistics?

Strippers For Losers: A look at the impact of the availability of professional women of the night on the local team’s winning percentage.

High Socks Rock: Do sock heights alter four-component speed scores?

Mustaches a Must-Have for Closers: A correlation between facial hair and saves totals in major league baseball.

Ritalin or Greenies: A subjective study of baseball uppers new and old and their effect on hand-eye coordination.


Weighted Ol’ Dirty Bastard


WHAT PARTY CAN YOU GO TO WHERE I AIN’T THERE
YOU BITCHES ACTING LIKE YOU DON’T CARE

Ol’ Dirty Bastard shows up in the strangest of places. Like when you’re trying to find a new statistic to evaluate the old, dirty bastard-ness of baseball players. That’s a place where he shows up.

Good thing we got the dudes at SabeanMetrics (tagline: When the Best of the Worst Combine) to resuscitate (bad choice of words?) the hip hop icon. They recently unveiled wODBPS — weighted Ol’ Dirty Bastard Plus Slugging. Apologies to Bobby Abreu, the AL champ in 2011, because the Carlos Lee photoshop just makes too much sense not to post.

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Random Facts About Melky


Smooth like milk.

Maybe you’re wondering about Melky Cabrera even though his trade to the Giants has been thoroughly dissected. But, you’re wondering about, well, you’re wondering about his name. You know about his game. Where did he get that name? What does it mean.

Here are ten random (and slightly randy) thoughts about his name:

1) Melky is short for Melquiades.
2) The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada is a pretty good movie.
3) Melquiades means “Rey por la gracia de Dios.”
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Out of New York, Endlessly Raking

The Mets are facing a couple terrible decisions when it comes to their pair of homegrown stars on the left side of the infield. Given their recent history, Mets fans can be forgiven for being pessimistic. In that honor, here’s a pre-requiem for David Wright and Jose Reyes. Apologies to Walt Whitman.

Out of New York, Endlessly Raking

OUT of New York, endlessly raking,
Out of the Mama’s of Corona, the seven-train shuttle,
Out of the Willets Point midnight,
Over the sterile sands and the fields of Flushing, where the children, leaving their beds, wander’d alone, cap-headed, jersey’d,
Down like the curve of Waino,
Up watching the mystic play of dreadlocks, twining, twisting and jumping as if they were alive,
Out from the patches of blue and orange,
From the memories of the young duo that enchanted us,
From your memories, sad brother —- from the fitful risings and fallings in the standings,
From under that yellow half-moon, late-risen, and swollen as if with tears from game seven,
From those beginning notes of sick speed and excellent pop, there below the LaGuardia jetstream,
From the thousand responses of the crowd, seemingly never to cease,
From the myriad thence-arous’d chants,
From the shouts stronger and more delicious than any,
From such, as now they start, the scene revisiting,
As the fans, twittering, chatting, or on their way for beer,
Borne hither—ere all elude me, hurriedly,
A man — yet by these tears a little boy again,
Throwing myself on the infield dirt, confronting the departure,
I, chanter of wins and losses, uniter of here and hereafter,
Taking all drag bunts and dashing triples to use them — but swiftly leaping beyond the tag,
A reminiscence sing.


Logos… Made of Food


Yes, I too wonder where the hot dogs are.

Let’s see if we can answer your questions right out of the gate.

Yes, there is a site dedicated to making logos with food. Yes, that is an Oakland A’s logo made of relish and mustard. Yes, it’s both brilliant and useless. No, it isn’t plausible to ask anyone with any taste (cultural or epicurean) to eat a mustard and ketchup Pee-Wee Herman. Yes, the deconstructed red pepper of a Texas Rangers logo looks both disgusting and delicious, depending on how hungry you are and how much you like the Rangers. No, I do not want any pureed chicken salad, portobello mushroom and pepper Jason Voorhees. No, I do not know what the artist’s goals are. Yes, I also hope he really likes food that looks nigh inedible.

Hopefully that answers all your questions because thus concludes your lesson on the daguerreotype of the day.


Where Are You Going to Watch Game Seven

Well, that was quite the Game Six.

Where are you going to watch Game Seven? I’m going to be hanging out with Patrick Newman in Palo Alto at the Empire Tap Room. Good beers, better baseball/TV setups than other Palo Alto bars with good beers, should be empty enough at happy hour Friday to carve out a spot for the game. If you are in the bay area, you can even take the train there, sorta. Meet me there?

I don’t promise that the game will be as good as Game Six (how could it be). Or that anyone nearer to you will respond on this post to let you know where they will be tonight so you can meet up with them and talk nerd. But I feel like I need to do this, Game Six was that good. I haven’t even cleared this with my wife or the Dark Overloard yet. F it, I’m a rebel.

So! Where are you going to watch Game Seven tonight?


Luck, Shmuck: Baseball’s Luckiest Cities


A very lucky person’s backyard.

Men’s Health magazine went and ranked the luckiest cities in America earlier this month. Spoiler Alert — San Diego won, joining Baltimore as the only two cities in America with A+ luck. They defined luck as:

the most winners of Powerball, Mega Millions, and Publishers Clearing House sweepstakes; most hole-in-ones (PGA); fewest lightning strikes (including the fatal kind) and deaths from falling objects (Vaisala Inc., National Climatic Data Center, CDC); and least money lost on lottery tickets and race betting (Bureau of Labor Statistics).

Really, now we know that people in San Diego are rich enough to ignore lotteries, play a lot of golf, and stay indoors during the rare thurnderstorm. Is it really luck if San Diego is where people go after they win lottery?

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Expression and Emotion, World Series Edition


What emotion is the Cards’ skipper feeling right now?

During the first game of the world series, the booth had a chance to talk to Tony La Russa about emoting in the dugout. They pointed out that Ron Washington had a much more expressive style and asked the Cardinals manager about his emotional state.

To paraphrase the stoic response (delivered with a smirk), La Russa said that he was broiling on the inside. And that Washington’s style (“when you do something good, show your emotions“) was fine as long as it came from a genuine place.

Popular psychology has a preference for emoting. The American Pyschological Association states that anger “turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.” Recent medical research even suggests that a single tear can help reduce allergies and reduce pain from arthritis — and maybe even help regulate the immune system.

What do our psychological cornerstones have to say on the subject? Would they want La Russa to emote more?

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The All-Ugly Baseball Team Two

Our All-Ugly team continues, on to the position players (who, by the way, would lose in an ugly battle with the pitchers and coaches). (What’s up with that?) (Any pitchers out there want to stand up for their kind?)

And lest any of you agree with my wife that this is all in poor taste, let me remind you that I a) included myself on the team and b) recognize that all of these men are real-life humans with real feelings and that this is all in good fun. Even Chase Utley has his bad days and all that.

Without further caveats, our All-Ugly lineup:

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