Author Archive

Chris Davis is Not on Steroids

When he’s not quoting the Bible, Chris Davis takes time on Twitter to answer those who’ve been watching his incredible performance this season.

Don’t be cynical, like our friend Michael in Michigan. Sit back, relax, and enjoy The Chris Davis Show.

NotGraphs Haiku: Uncle Charlie

Dear Uncle Charlie,
Twelve-to-six, or two-to-eight,
You’re my favorite.

This has been a NotGraphs Haiku.

And this was entirely an excuse to post the above GIF, for which all praise goes to @ChadMoriyama. And Uncle Charlie. And Clayton Kershaw.

Report: Blue Jays to Hire Rickey Henderson as Sliding Coach

Brett Lawrie

TORONTO – The Toronto Blue Jays are set to bring Hall of Famer Rickey Henderson back into the fold. Henderson will be announced as the Blue Jays’ first-ever sliding coach after Tuesday’s matinee against the Braves, NotGraphs has learned.

The move’s being applauded in baseball circles, both for its outside-the-box thinking, and because the Blue Jays clearly don’t know how to slide, especially into second base. Rickey Henderson does.

“Rickey’s going to teach these fools how to swipe a bag without spraining an ankle,” Henderson said, when NotGraphs caught up with him at breakfast Tuesday morning.

“Rickey’s embarrassed, to be honest with you. First Reyes, now Lawrie. Who’s next? Bautista? It’s Rickey’s job to make sure nobody else goes down.”

Jose Reyes, one of Toronto’s many – and arguably the most – prized offseason acquisitions, was injured in only his tenth game of the season, when he slid awkwardly into second base in Kansas City on April 12. A severely sprained ankle will keep him out of the lineup until mid-to-late June.

“Rickey never wants to see Reyes crying on the field after stealing a bag again,” a determined Henderson said. “Ever.

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Your Friday Cake and Quote

It’s not a cake! It’s a Blue Jays donut! And not just any donut! The official donut of the Toronto Blue Jays!

blue jays donut

Available at your local Tim Hortons, it is most refreshing when paired with this quote from Henry Miller’s Tropic of Capricorn:

“If I longed for destruction it was merely that this eye might be extinguished. I longed for an earthquake, for some cataclysm of nature which would plunge the lighthouse into the sea. I wanted a metamorphosis, a change to fish, to leviathan, to destroyer. I wanted the earth to open up, to swallow everything in one engulfing yawn. I wanted to see the city buried fathoms deep in the bosom of the sea. I wanted to sit in a cave and read by candlelight. I wanted that eye extinguished so that I might have a change to know my own body, my own desires. I wanted to be alone for a thousand years in order to reflect on what I had seen and heard–and in order to forget. I wanted something of the earth which was not of man’s doing, something absolutely divorced from the human of which I was surfeited. I wanted something purely terrestrial and absolutely divested of idea. I wanted to feel the blood running back into my veins, even at the cost of annihilation. I wanted to shake the stone and the light out of my system. I wanted the dark fecundity of nature, the deep well of the womb, silence, or else the lapping of the black waters of death. I wanted to be that night which the remorseless eye illuminated, a night diapered with stars and trailing comets. To be of night, so frighteningly silent, so utterly incomprehensible and eloquent at the same time. Never more to speak or to listen or to think. To be englobed and encompassed and to encompass and to englobe at the same time. No more pity, no more tenderness. To be human only terrestrially, like a plant or a worm or a brook. To be decomposed, divested of light and stone, variable as the molecule, durable as the atom, heartless as the earth itself.”

This has been your Friday cake and quote.

Shout out to Dayn Perry. Always remember: Dayn Perry is everything, and Dayn Perry is everywhere. And thanks to @BBaxTwitts for the donuts.

NotGraphs Haiku: Raul Ibanez

ibanez forever

Raul Ibanez.
He gives and gives, yet asks for
Nothing in return.

This has been a NotGraphs Haiku.

And this was entirely an excuse to post the above GIF, for which all praise goes to @lonestarball. And Raul Ibanez.

Mini Essay: Celebrating Munenori Kawasaki

When Lawrie met Kawasaki.

During the offseason, the Blue Jays acquired Jose Reyes, a four-time all-star with a batting title on his résumé; Mark Buehrle, who’s thrown a no-hitter and a perfect game, and 12 consecutive 200-innings seasons; Josh Johnson, a two-time all-star who’s struck out over 20 percent of the batters he’s ever faced; Melky Cabrera, an all-star game MVP with a, uh, checkered past; and R.A. Dickey, arguably the greatest human being alive, who with his magical knuckleball struck out 230 batters last year, and won the Cy Young.

Yet on Monday and Tuesday nights at the Dome, it was Munenori Kawasaki – signed to a minor-league contract in early March, and called up from Triple-A Buffalo to replace the injured Reyes – who was being feted by the crowd, with chants of “KA-WA-SA-KI! – Clap, Clap, ClapClapClap!

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Blue Jays Lament Lost Season

reyes AP Paul Sancya

DETROIT — It wasn’t supposed to end this way for the 2013 Toronto Blue Jays. Not after The Trade with the Miami Marlins. Not after acquiring R.A. Dickey and his magical knuckleball, in exchange for Travis d’Arnaud and Noah Syndergaard, two of the franchise’s prized top-three prospects. But after losing 7-3 to the Detroit Tigers on Tuesday afternoon, and falling to 2-5 on the season — last place in the American League East, an insurmountable three games behind the Boston Red Sox — the Blue Jays knew their season was all but officially over. Off to their worst start since 2004, players and managers alike wondered where it all went so wrong.

“I remember Opening Day like it was last week,” said Dickey. “The emotion, the excitement, the expectations; it was amazing. I truly believed that this team was going to do something special. I’m sorry we let the fans down. I’m sorry I let the fans down.”

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GIF: Jose Bautista Will Bring You To Your Feet

Watching Jose Bautista do what he’s done since arriving in Toronto has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my baseball-watching life. And Bats did it again on Wednesday night, moments after being fooled by a first-pitch breaking ball from Indians closer Chris Perez.

Trust me: Jose Bautista is worth the price of admission. He will get you out of your seat. He’s done it before, and he will do it again. And, as you can see from the reactions of the paying audience, above, the act never, ever gets old.

All praise be upon my friend the @BlueJayHunter for the GIF. He’s one of the hardest-working bloggers in blog business, and a Canadian gentleman, to boot.

Totally Unaltered Tweet: Miami Marlins Opening Day Lineup

As Chairman Cistulli would say: The following tweet is entirely and in-no-way altered from the original (click to embiggen):


Caldo GIF: Team Italy Celebrates a Home Run


Dear Haters,

This is why the World Baseball Classic exists. And it is bello.


P.S. This, and the Canada/Mexico brawl. That was bloody fantastic.

All praise be upon @MikeAxisa, The People’s Blogger, for the GIF.