Dear J.P. Arencibia,

Cheers,
Born-Again Blue Jays Fan

Please realize that Opening Day at Rogers Centre is sold out so do not wear white shirts as it would be hard for us to spot #TheManInWhite

— jp arencibia (@jparencibia9) March 31, 2012

H/T: The peerless Jeremy Blachman for the inspiration. If you haven’t read the entire Ask NotGraphs! series, you haven’t made the correct life choices. There’s still time for you, though. I’ll never stop believing in your potential.

Cito has spoken.

H/T: Much like yesterday, all praise be upon my man @TheScottLewis, and the gang at theScore’s Getting Blanked. Yes, again. Look, it’s been a long week. Too many meetings.

Yesterday’s MLB.com box score reads, “Raul Ibanez flies out sharply to right fielder Jason Heyward.” I vehemently disagree.

I like to think that each baseball that’s put in play has its own destiny. And the baseball you see above, caught — no, brought back — by Jason Heyward, wasn’t destined to be a home run. Such is life.

One more thing: Home Runs Brought Back (HRBB) ought to be a new defensive statistic. Because that was no ordinary fly out. And because we don’t have enough statistics around here.

H/T: My fellow Canadian @TheScottLewis. And be sure to check out Getting Blanked; the boys do great work.

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“North Korean baseball players are the new market inefficiency.” — Dan Duquette

It took a while – sources were exhausted, as they say – but the NotGraphs Investigative Reporting Investigation Team has delivered, for your reading pleasure, an exclusive interview with Baltimore Orioles general manager Dan Duquette, about the international incident that was the signing of 17-year-old Kim Seong-min.

NotGraphs: Mr. Duquette, thanks for your time, and for taking our call. We appreciate it.

Dan Duquette: Who is this? How did you get this number?

NG: Let’s get right down to business: Kim Seong-min. Today, Baltimore Orioles scouts are banned from South Korea. What the hell, man?

DD: Look, it began innocently enough. All I asked for was Korean food for lunch. Some Bulgogi. I love Bulgogi.

NG: Me too. It’s delicious.

DD: I thought it would be good for morale, a company lunch, for the front office. You know, a big spread, we all sit down and break bread together. I passed the information down the ladder, and one of our interns was put in charge. The next thing I know, we’re eating Thai food for lunch, we’ve got a 17-year-old signed out of South Korea, and both the Korean Baseball Organization and the Korean Baseball Association are up my ass. Not to mention Bud Selig. Trust me, we had no intentions for this to blow up the way it did.

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Rollie Fingers will be 66-years-old in August. He threw his last pitch 27 years ago. But he’s still got the best mustache in baseball.

And, yes, I know, the resemblance to Robert De Niro is frigging uncanny.

H/T: My man, and Deadspin night editor, Erik Malinowski. Follow him. He won’t do you wrong.

“The Ballad of Rey Ordonez,” by The Isotopes, a “Punk Rock Baseball Club,” is fantastic. Enjoy:

I had to look up the lyrics. And now I like the track even more.

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Never has Colby Rasmus said so much by saying nothing at all:

1. This is my “Another Four Years of Obama” face.

2. The Tony La Russa nightmares had stopped, for a while. But they’re back.

3. Far too many people know my father’s name.

4. I guess I don’t want the responsibility of being a great player. I’d rather just be a man on the team.

5. I think about her often. I wonder how she’s doing. I wonder if the fire is still burning in the outfield.

6. Maybe it’s just society.

Image credit: Jonathan Ferrey at Getty Images.

The Tim Kurkjian Impression Contest has been, hands down, the best part of spring training. Next up, Milwaukee’s Tim Dillard:

Kurkjian’s reaction when Dillard showed up was just priceless. As for Dillard, that was good. Very good. Excellent use of ridiculously obscure stats; Dillard did his homework. I appreciate that. And the Nyjer Morgan impression as Kurkjian put it over the top. Needless to say, I was very impressed.

So, who ya got: Dillard or J.P. Arencibia? This one’s too close to call.

The FanGraphs crew is in beautiful, sunny, and warm Phoenix, Arizona. They’re watching spring training baseball, drinking brews, and doing what they do best: being unapologetic nerds.

Me, I’m stuck in freezing-ass-cold Toronto, chained to my frigging desk, and bitter about it. But I’ve been following the gang’s exploits on Twitter:

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Today, Joe Carter was in our thoughts. And so, tonight, we resurrect, as we are prone to do, our celebrated feast-days series.

Life: Joe Carter was, for the most part, an average baseball player. He hit a lot of home runs. Year in and year out, he was good for 30 dingers, a hundred ribbies, and a hundred strikeouts — give or take a few. Once upon a time, he even stole bases. In my youth, had I known anything about on-base percentage, I would have likely hated Joe Carter. I would have gladly taken the home runs, and the RBIs, especially on those deeper Toronto Blue Jays clubs, but I wouldn’t have been too happy about it. Yet I remember Carter most fondly. Everyone in Toronto does. Because of one catch, one walk-off home run, and two jumps for joy.

Spiritual Exercise: Joe Carter ended back-to-back World Series a winner. Literally. Ask yourself: Would you rather have a Hall of Fame career, and never win a title? Or would you rather be slightly above average, with power, and hit a walk-off home run to win the World Series?

A Prayer for Joe Carter

Joe Carter!
You’re one of the
lucky ones.
So many are remembered by the
sum total of their numbers.
Not you.

Why?
Why the hell did Otis Nixon
bunt?
He gave away the final bloody out.

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