I picked a Baseball Digest at random. It was from 1978: year of Grease, “YMCA,” Space Invaders, the test tube baby, and Dave Parker, N.L. Batting Champ. Or so I’m told, having not yet been a sentient human at the time. But those of you who were will surely remember the following illustrious personages, and will most surely be able to pair each with the quote by or about him.
Back by popular demand.
Warriors 10, Bishops 7
“I do not delighted with the fruits of my personal.” – Tim Hudson
“We did not do what we need to do, give us a chance to make some adjustments.” – Mike Matheny
“I can see it all matters.” – Freddie Freeman
Notes: Warriors increase in the eighth off Jason jungle, the Council set up two points and Eric Hinske and Bern from all walks of life.
Compare the following figures, O mathematically mindful reader.
VIDEO TIME ON YOUTUBE VIEWS
“The Shot Heard ‘Round the World”* 5 years 917,818
“Harvard Baseball 2012 Call Me Maybe Cover” 2.5 weeks 9,577,314
* The greatest moment in the history of baseball.
The message, I trust, is clear. If we baseball enthusiasts are to reach a wider audience — and not only reach them, but touch them, intimately and repeatedly — let us take our cue from the great minds at Harvard and give the public more of what it truly craves. And make no mistake: what it craves is white men in tapered pants, moving awkwardly to popular music, preferably in some sort of quasi-synchronized fashion. I give you the following not in any effort to be comprehensive; even the most cursory search will reveal this to be merely the tippiest tip of the iceberg. No, I mean only to get you started.
In my quest for some precious drop of value in the desert of meaning that is the postgame interview, I will use every tool at my disposal. Including the stupid pun. And the cheap audio effect.
So, while patiently waiting for Pitchers on Toilets to go viral, I remembered that memes do not make themselves. And that we have before us a world full of comic juxtapositions just waiting to be comically juxtaposed. And also that it is Monday, and that there is really no better way to start the work week than with Bob Davidson in pointy breastplates. Click to embiggen.
Below, in cartographic form, the tortuous tale of that Peerless Peripatetic, that Inimitable Itinerant, Octavio Eduardo Dotel (whose membership in thirteen major league ballclubs has set a new standard).
There are hundreds of baseball movies. There are hundreds of baseball movie trailers. Entirely too many of them can be viewed on the Internet. However, after intensive study, these six clearly separated themselves from the field. Each stands in its own way as a piece of art unto itself; each so masterfully distills the essence of its film as to make the film all but irrelevant. Enjoy.
I’ve been suffering under a delusion. I had thought of the postgame interview as an exercise in pointless, redundant cliche-mongering. What I had not realized is that these quotes are not meant to be read in English. Return them to their native language, the tongue of Confucius, and their hidden wisdom unfurls like a flower.
Rocky Mountains 8, Dodgers 5
“This is a dream at the scene – and behind you the goods. It makes a tough decision. You walk my woods. The goods are loaded base? He has been so hot, I think I will take things to play.” – Jason Giambi
“He did what he should do. He gave me a hint to your hat.” – Scott Elbert
Notes: Give up a single Betancourt ancient Adam Kennedy started the Bureau, and then removed in the next two batters. Rather than challenge the big fight against Matt Kemp, Betancourt intentionally walked the face of Gordon Dee.
What, you ask, allows Mr. Swisher to continue damning the rules with such impunity? Consult the following. Strain to recall the last time one man so thoroughly dominated — no, transcended — his sport. And ask yourself: with an army of 1.5 million at your back, would you feel compelled to return home in the traditional manner?
