TV’s latest reality smash pairs modern-day stars of the diamond with their doppelgängers from a bygone era (as determined by Baseball-Reference’s Similarity Scores). Sparks fly and hijinks ensue as these unlikely partners must overcome their off-the-field differences to compete together for prizes galore!
With the reconstituted Melkman dominating 2012’s first half, winning All-Star Game MVP honors, and driving shrapnel further into the bowels of Yankees, Braves, and Royals fans everywhere, I thought this might be an opportune time to revisit Mr. Cabrera’s eventful biography. Fortunately, ace reporter and adult performer Mary Carey has asked the hard questions already.
Given his well-known fondness for exotic pets, it came as no surprise to Tim Hudson’s teammates to find him possessing a fighting spirit on Friday. Reactions, as usual, were mixed in the Atlanta clubhouse. “That thing is freaky, man,” said Martin Prado, adding that he didn’t know where Hudson would have procured such a creature — “and I don’t want to know.” Hudson’s batterymate Brian McCann joked that “it’s better than the spirit possessing Huddy, I guess.” Meanwhile, skipper Fredi Gonzalez was heard referring to the beast as “the Rally Demon.”
The ’89 Indians turned out pretty well, for a team that was expressly built for failure. They turned out a lot better than the ’03 Tigers, a team that was presumably designed to win games, but only managed to do so 43 times (oddly enough, right at replacement level — meaning Detroit could have stripped payroll to $10M, rounded up a bunch of scrubs, and given themselves a good chance at a better year). Even the ’03 Tigers, though, were a terrifying baseball juggernaut compared to the 1899 Cleveland Spiders, whose season reads like a screenplay for Major League 4, only without any semblance of a happy ending. The Spiders’ owners shipped all their best players to their other team in St. Louis, replaced them with a bunch of dudes named Crazy Schmit and Highball Wilson and Harry Colliflower, publicly stated their intention to run the club as “a sideshow,” and scheduled 112 games on the road after the rest of the league decided they’d rather put hot coals in their jockstraps than come to Cleveland. Somehow they still managed to win more than a tenth of their games, a testament to the randomness of baseball.
Hey, cheer up, R.A. Dickey! Sure, you crashed back to earth on Sunday night*. But not before you went off on a HISTORIC RUN OF DOMINANCE!** Brush off those pesky Yanks — it’ll turn around for you soon. And listen, so long as you’re just sitting around waiting for your “violent, weird, fickle” mistress, you should totally check out this mix I put together for you.
Chipper Jones and Derek Jeter, elder statesmen of baseball and legends of slapstick, took a moment Tuesday at Yankee Stadium to plug their latest big-screen caper. (Click to embiggen)
A recent spate of ballplayers showing questionable judgment in their extracurricular activities expanded to the West Coast this weekend, as Giants first baseman Brandon Belt — known as “Baby Giraffe” for his resemblance to the long-necked animal — was photographed jumping into a swimming pool with an unnamed actual giraffe. The relationship between the two is unclear, and Belt was not available for comment. “He’s a grown man,” said Giants skipper Bruce Bochy. “I mean, he’s kind of — he’s pretty much a grown man. What he does with his personal time is his business. My own feelings about giraffes have nothing to do with it.”
According to reports, the Orioles’ front office was not amused by images that surfaced on the Web today — images that appeared to show Baltimore outfielders cavorting on the exact same trampoline that derailed Yankee Joba Chamberlain’s season.
However, Adam Jones brushed off the incident, noting, “Man, I’m just trying to crack the top 3 on the All-Star ballot. I don’t know what it’s going to take, but I figured if I could nail a Misty 540 and throw in a pike grab, the voters might get on board.”
As for his partner-in-fun Ryan Flaherty, he declined to discuss the impromptu jump session, stating only that “I spend my off-days the way I want to spend them. My off-day is my off-day.”
One reporter observed that that the culture of late in the O’s clubhouse seemed oddly reminiscent of their arch-rivals in the AL East — to which manager Buck Showalter retorted, “Check the standings lately? It’s working.”
Et voilà! Quelle offence! But if this team is going to contend, we’re going to need more starting pitching. Who am I forgetting?
2B Nap the Joy
Can someone explain to me what was going on in 1955? Was everyone contorted by fear of Communist infiltration? Were chemical mutagens being released experimentally into major league clubhouses? Did Topps photographers surprise players on their way out of the bathroom? And then run their portraits through Photo Booth for Mac?
