This Week in Hot Stove Action: Picture Edition, Vol. 2
Author Archive
On the Prevalence of Upper-Lip Hirsutism in Randalls: Some Further Results
In my previous post, I made strong claims about the association between facial hair and the proud name Randall. These claims, intuitive though they may be, were unsupported by statistical analysis. Because we hold ourselves to higher standards here at Notgraphs, I could not leave this matter unresolved. Those of you who have already accepted my claims and moved on, feel free to skip this post.
Random
Recently in this space, some controversy arose regarding the identity of two persons: Randy “Other Randy Johnson” Johnson, active in major league baseball from 1980 to 1982, and Randy “Other Other Randy Johnson” Johnson, active from 1982 to 1984. A philosophical question was also raised, regarding the direction of causality between a) players named Randy Johnson (also including Randy “Randy Johnson” Johnson, active from 1988 to 2009) and b) the facial hair thereupon. As there is obviously considerable confusion surrounding these closely related issues, I decided it was well worth setting aside an entire column for the purposes of sorting it all out.
Other Pedro Martinez Day
Today, November 29, I hereby declare to be Other Pedro Martinez Day. As you surely know, Other Pedro Martinez, also known as Pedro A. Martinez and Pedro Martinez Aquino, born on this date in 1968, was a perfectly respectable left-handed reliever for the Padres in the early 1990s. Then he got dealt to the Astros in the notorious Ken Caminiti – Steve Finley – Derek Bell megaswap, and basically dropped off the face of the earth, while his homonymous compatriot became one of the most dominating baseball players of all time. I have no idea where Other Pedro Martinez is now, or what sorts of awkwardness his name has incurred (actually, I can come up with some ideas on the latter). But I feel it is important to honor his sacrifice, as well as those of the following gentlemen. Perhaps you will help me think of others?
Today in Baseball Joe, Pt. 2
The madcap adventures; the uproarious hijinks; the wholesome schoolyard violence; the uncannily articulate young men continue! — in the second installment of “Baseball Joe.” Published in 1912, Baseball Joe on the School Nine, or, Pitching for the Blue Banner is summarized thusly by determined chronicler Tim Morris: “Suspenseful scenes include the smuggling of pies and soda pop into dorm rooms late at night, a snowball fight, a rescue from a burning building, and the unjust suspension of Joe, right before the big game, under suspicion of his complicity in toppling the school’s sacred Statue of the Founder.” Here I include an excerpt; it is, in fact, the first excerpt:
Today in Baseball Joe
“Baseball Joe” was the star of a series of novels written by “Lester Chadwick.” “Lester Chadwick” wasn’t his real name, but when he wasn’t writing “Baseball Joe” books he was writing “Bobbsey Twins” books, so a little differentiation was needed. Then again, the “Baseball Joe” writer and the “Bobbsey Twins” writer might not have been one and the same, and for that matter the purported “Baseball Joe” writer might not have written “Baseball Joe” at all, so I’m not sure where that leaves us, except with a dawning appreciation of the fluid nature of authorship, and perhaps personhood, in early twentieth century popular culture.
Around the Horn: Chapter 1. Malaysia
Darkness has descended, like a great damp tarpaulin, upon our land; and as the hot stove gradually cools to a simmer, as the last awards are desultorily awarded, and as the last Brandon McCarthy tweets settle around us like falling leaves, we enter a time of lonely and solemn reflection. It is at times like these — when our collective spirit meets its greatest trial; when all purpose seems to retreat before us; when all we have is each other — that I grasp for the resolve, the determination, the inner strength, to pack my bags and go somewhere else. And that is precisely why I am now inaugurating a new series of posts, titled: Around the Horn*: Four Boats, Thirteen Camels, Two Hundred and Seventy-Six Bouts of Intestinal Distress, and One Man’s Quest to Find Baseball Where He’d Never Expected It. Over a period that may or very well may not amount to eighty days, I’ll be circumnavigating the globe, spending time in countries where baseball is obscurely played, and ruminating on the meaning of our sport, as well as on what it means to be human, as time and space permit.
Valley of the Dolls
In which the author scours the online auctions for baseball-themed collectibles that should never, ever, under any circumstances be allowed into your home.
Anna Lee Baseball Mouse 7 inches high
Today in Creepy Vintage Baseball-Themed Memorabilia: Fan & Fannie
Fan and Fannie are the Base Ball Twins. They have heads shaped like baseballs, and torsos shaped like baseballs. They associate with tiny baseball-shaped clones, an ungendered baseball-shaped African-American, and his or her goat. They speak mostly in cryptic questions and unsettling innuendo. They will henceforth haunt your dreams, spring unbidden to your thoughts, and bring you profound existential discomfort. Otherwise, I cannot tell you anything at all about Fan and Fannie.