In the introduction to the most recent edition of FanGraphs Audio — featuring interviews with Tampa Bayers Will Rhymes and Luke Scott — David Laurila notes that the longest home run he’s ever seen was hit by Miguel Cabrera during batting practice before a recent Tigers-Red Sox game at Fenway Park.

Laurila goes on to say that said home run was hit over the Bank of America sign in center field — which sign I have brought to the reader’s attention via red circles by means of a program similar to, but not precisely the same as, Adobe Photoshop.

Image stolen shamelessly and without shame from NESN.

It’s clear as day from the embedded audio below that radio voice of the Red Sox Joe Castiglione bought a cake on Tuesday. What’s less obvious is where he bought it. One of Life’s Mysteries, is what it continues to be.

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The real problem with Daniel Bard — certainly way more pressing than any velocity or command issues (ahem, Dave Cameron) — is that he’s in space without a space suit. According to Wikipedia, Bard’s flesh will expand to about twice its size in the hard vacuum of space, and he’s likely to lose consciousness within the next 15 seconds due the effects of oxygen starvation. Hopefully, he didn’t just hold his breath, either, because apparently that can cause explosive decompression, which’d basically ruin his lungs.

One assumes that, all appearances to the contrary, Boston reliever Alfredo Aceves isn’t a an actual pirate. On the other hand, that’s precisely the sort of thing a pirate would want you to think.

Credit to actual member of Britain’s landed gentry, Liam Milner.

Can you tell the difference between San Francisco Giants manager Bruce Bochy and noted American actor Sam Elliott? Click below to take a simple quiz.

Man has never wondered — definitely not aloud, and likely not to himself, either — if it would be possible to write two posts regarding the video for Dire Straits’ “Walk of Life” on a baseballing-themed blog within the span of just three or four days.

A pity, that, as the present dispatch does, in fact, represent the second such post in just such a span of days.

The object of this post: to identify all (or even one) of the baseball players in same video. A combination of Baseball Reference and the fusiform gyrus part of the author’s brain have conspired to start the list, as seen below.

The readership is invited to add to said list — or to sit there, mouth agape, staring into an uncertain future. Either one.

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Brewers broadcaster Bob Uecker thinks that both Usinger’s Famous Sausage and sunscreen are important things in this life. With regard to them meeting, however, his opinion is that, more or less, never the twain should — if not necessarily in those words.

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Do not wonder, reader, whether I have modified a dispatch from the official Twitter feed of the Cleveland baseball Indians for my own, nefarious purposes. Wonder instead how many of your friends and family will die tragically from Carlos Baerga Fever, which is probably a really serious and actual thing.

According the Center for Disease Control, any of the following might be symptoms of Carlos Baerga Fever:

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From the American version of the 1986 video for same.

Here’s video of five different and recent home runs by Miami Marlins outfielder Giancarlo Stanton, paired — as they’re clearly intended to be — with verbal ejaculations found in the works of late-18th century playwright Richard Brinsley Sheridan.

1. Zounds!

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