Author Archive

Feast of St. Trammell the Sinewy

Today, February 21st, is the feast day for two notable figures, as follow.

Trammell the Sinewy

Life: Over a career that spanned 20 years, Trammell compiled 69.5 WAR, appearing at shortstop for the Tigers — for whom he played the entire time — in over 2000 games. Beyond his on-field accomplishments, which include a 1984 World Series ring and MVP trophy, he’s also widely praised for his leadership abilities and currently serves as the bench coach for the Arizona Diamondbacks.

Ritual: To recognize the life of Trammell the Sinewy, practice a Stoic gaze in the mirror.

Prayer of Trammell the Sinewy

Alan Trammell!
It’s impossible to imagine you
in any other pose
besides the one you’re assuming
on your 1978 Burger King baseball card:
hands on hips, the brim of your cap raised,
as you stand and survey a field
littered with Confederate dead.

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Regarding All That Money You Have

Owing to how she’s so humble and deferential a mademoiselle, it’s likely that NotGraphs’ own Bethany Heck would feel uncomfortable sharing with the wide readership the latest development in her march towards baseballing ephemera superstardom. Luckily, the present author possesses no such compunction.

The thing to know is this: Ms. Heck has made available, via a website called Kickstarter, the very same scorebooks that she featured in these pages earlier in the month.

If you’re not familiar with it, Kickstarter is the most heartwarming iteration of capitalism possible. A Kickstarter project begins when a duly motivated person (in this case, Ms. Heck) submits a creative project. Said person also establishes a funding goal and deadline. Then people out there, in the cyberspace, make backing pledges in exchange for the promise of dollar-appropriate good in return. If the the funding goal is met,

I’ve made it sound impossibly complicated, I’m sure, but it’s actually simple: you give-a-the money, you maybe get-a-the thing.


Feast of St. Hernandez the Prolific

Hernandez throws a pitch called The Leg of the Devil.

Today, February 20th, we acknowledge and celebrate the life of Hernandez the Prolific.

Hernandez the Prolific

Life: A Cuban emigre, Hernandez received national attention very early, starting and winning Games 1 and 5 of the 1997 World Series and winning the MVP trophy for same. Noted for his durability, Hernandez led the league in innings pitched for three consecutive years, from 2003 through 2005, and has thrown more innings since 1998 (his rookie season) than any other active pitcher, leading the second player on that list (Javier Vazquez) by 200 innings. An above-average pitcher at his peak, Hernandez has become merely serviceable, relying more on guile and something called “pitchability” than actual stuff.

Ritual: To remember Hernandez the Prolific, either (a) invent a pitch with a mysterious name or (b) read Hemingway’s The Old Man and the Sea and ask yourself, “Am I the old man, the sea, the tireless marlin, all of the above, none of the above?” (Hint: you are not the sea.)

Prayer of Hernandez the Prolific:

Included among the many pitches
you’ve introduced to this country
since your debut in 1996
is one called Rice with Mango
another called The Eleven-Yard Shirt
and a third, The Melancholy Peanut Vendor,
that’s only possible to throw
on the day of a loved one’s funeral.
Hail!


Feast of St. Stewart the Menacing

Today, February 19th, we remember and celebrate the life of Stewart the Menacing.

Stewart the Menacing

Life: Stewart is known for his intimidating mound presence and durability. With the Oakland teams of the late-80s, he posted four consecutive 20-win seasons. While not necessarily exceptional on rate basis — never, for example, leading the league in ERA or ERA+ — he led all pitchers with 1061.2 IP over his four-year peak.

Prayer

On August 1st, 1987, you killed
a career-best 14 batters against Minnesota.
Your personal record for killing batters
in a season is 205, also in 1987 —
i.e. the same year you killed an average
of 7.1 batters per nine innings.

You maintain that your greatest regret
is killing Reggie Jackson,
with whom you famously co-managed
an Oakland-area Salvation Army.

The world will never forget
the time you killed Ernest Riles
in the ninth inning
of a World Series shutout,
his body twisting grotesquely
yet comically
like in an actual game of Twister.


Feast of St. Manny of Solid Contact

Today, we canonize and remember just a single figure.

Note, per canon law, that this does not necessarily mean that other candidates from this day won’t be added in the future, but merely that this is the only player we’ve seen fit to add at the moment.

St. Manny of Solid Contact

Life: A native of the Dominican Republic, Mota played in the majors for part of 20 seasons. For the last six-plus of those seasons, he served as a pinch-hitter almost exclusively, and, in fact, is third all-time with 150 pinch-hits (which was the record when he retired). He finished his career with a lifetime batting average of .309.

Prayer

No less a personage than Vin Scully
once said you “could wake up on Christmas morning
and hit a line drive to center.”
In conclusion, it’s a fact:
I wish Vin Scully were my grandfather.


Video: 1989 San Francisco Giants at Spring Training

This video comes to us courtesy the year 1989. The footage appears to be from their Scottsdale spring-training facility of that same year.

Among its multiple splendors, one can find in this video:

0:06 — Will Clark (I think, right?) talking about an itch he has.

0:41 — Roger Craig, Patron Saint of Heroic Nonsense, do what comes natural.

0:53 & 1:05 — Kevin Mitchell’s funny body.

Video also courtesy the efforts of YouTube user sfgiants22.


Feast of St. Pipp the Displaced

Wally Pipp made the mistake of not being a generational talent.

Today, we learn about and learn from three essential characters in baseball’s unwieldy canon.

Pipp the Displaced

Life: As someone named R.J. Anderson has noted in these pages, Wally Pipp was a more-than-serviceable first baseman for the Yankees for 10 years, accumulating 35.1 WAR from 1915 to 1924. He’s considerably more well known, of course, for being replaced by Iron Man Lou Gehrig on June 2, 1925 and effectively losing his place with the New York team.

From Pipp we learn that, sometimes, there are other people who are way, way, way, way more talented than us.

Prayer

The Italian expression che sarà
does not literally describe,
but is certainly applicable,
to the circumstances
surrounding your career
starting in June of 1925.
On the bright side of it all,
you got to live for three years
in that great American city, Cincinnati,
birthplace to professional baseball
and popular boy band 98 Degrees.

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Jordan Walden Mad Lib, Courtesy of Reader Jason B

Wilford Brimley: Fewer Ks as a starter.

In response to this morning’s player-profile game at the main site, reader (and possible genius) Jason B decided to make his own mad lib from the framework of Eno Sarris’s write-up of Angel reliever Jordan Walden.

As a service to the entire United States, I’ve inserted Jason’s responses below. Certainly do not hesitate to provide your own version.

Looking back through Wilford Brimley’s minor-league history, it’s hard to find a harbinger for last year’s double-digit strikeout rate. He only once struck out as many as one batter per inning on the farm. But Sisqo was a starter for most of that time, and his move to the pen played up his velocity (his fastball averaged 98.8 MPH) and simplified his repertoire down to that booming fastball and a useful slider. An above-average swinging-strike rate (13.3%) seems to suggest that he can continue to strike Major League batters out, but for fantasy uses, the real question is his proximity to the closer’s role. With Harry from “Harry and the Hendersons”, Janet Reno, and George Wendt in the pen around him, though, Charlamagne has too many veterans to pass to be considered a real sleeper for saves in 2011. Coach Shakira likes his veterans, as mediocre as some of his other options might be. My cat, Mr Purrfect, is best used for strikeouts and holds out of the pen.


Feast of St. Pecota, Patron Saint of Forecasting

Great honor for the reader who guesses this player.

Today, we remember another three lives in our ongoing — and totally not futile — effort to canonize baseball’s worthy figures.

Regard:

Pecota the Comparable, Patron Saint of Forecasting

Life: While useful enough as a player, posting a 7.8 WAR over 1729 plate appearances, Pecota has become most famous for lending his name to the eponymous projection system developed by Nate Silver and still hosted by a certain enemy website.

It should be noted, also, exactly how fitting it is that Pecota’s feast day falls in what is basically the middle of forecast season.

Prayer:

You inspired probably
one of the most famous
backronyms ever.
Also, now I just learned
what a backronym is.
Thanks, Billskis!

(Note: Other relevant honorifics are acceptable in place of “Billskis.” Use your discretion.)

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Feast of St. Ugi the Murderous

That red microphone would do well to watch itself.

Today, we commemorate three lives — and examine, more thoroughly than we have, the lives of our remembered.

Regard:

Ugi the Murderous

Life: Urbina was an animated and, for some time, very talented relief pitcher. Currently, however, he’s serving a 14-year prison sentence in his home country after being convicted on two charges of attempted murder.

Prayer:

You’re not a saint in the traditional manner,
but you’ve certainly reinforced that old adage,
“Don’t attack people with a machete and/or gasoline,
even if you’re totally convinced they stole something.”

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