Dear Internet Users,

I am not Vance Law the former Major League Baseball player, but I am a fictional persona who will be evoking Vance Law as I write (what I hope will be regular) Internet letters to you here on this little strand of the World Wide Web. Without further ado, here is a letter I have written to you!

I am noticing lately that I am a meticulous person. When I wipe the spots from my spectacles, it must be with a clean towel, for if the towel is dirty, I will surely dirty my spectacles with more than just the finger-smudges and water-spots that are already upon them. Only after wiping the spectacles do I allow myself to use the same towel on my sweaty brow &c. Then, it’s off to the laundry bin with the towel. My meticulousness accumulates quite a lot of towels to be laundered!

Though, as I seek to cultivate peculiarities and grow in complexity, I wonder if I might attempt a different method of towel usage: drying my brow first in order to have a clearer vision for wiping my spectacles — yet being sure to preserve a corner of the towel for the spectacles. Above all, I believe spectacles must be cleaned with an unsullied portion of fabric; but of almost equal importance is to meet the task of spectacle cleaning with an unsullied mental focus — and unobstructed sight.

To this point in my life, I have abided and enacted only the former rubric of towel usage. Now, having reconsidered this issue in my first letter to you, I see clearly the advantages of the latter method, and I believe I shall try it. That’s right, dear Internet Users: do not think that I am such a rigid man that I would refuse to revise my habits even based on sound reasoning. Just because my name is Law does not mean I do not bend! I am an astute editor of personality!

But what a strange first impression I must be giving you. What a way to solicit your future audience! I hope that the mundanity of the above reflections does not lead you to believe I am a poor or thoughtless lover. I am a sensual man with a clean face, and I intend to make unique, detailed love to each of you in due time.

With love,

English may not be Koji Uehara’s first language, but that does not mean puns in English are lost on him. When Uehara noticed the above pun written by CBS fantasy baseball writer Jeff Lippman, he (Uehara) decided to put on a fun display for the public, enacting the pun in two separate recent incidents. Both incidents have been documented by NotGraphs photography intern Billy Gillibands.

Read the rest of this entry »

Vinegar-base slaw: far superior.

Hot Facts:

1. On September 9, 2013, the Pittsburgh Pirates beat the Texas Rangers by a score of 1-0.
2. It was the 82nd win of the 2013 season for the Pirates, securing them a winning season for the first time since 1992.
3. In said contest, Gerrit Cole put the team on his back, out-pitching Yu Darvish with seven shut-out innings while striking out nine Rangers.
4. Instead of Gatorade or another thirst-quenching beverage, the coolers in the Pittsburgh Pirates dugout are filled with fresh and delicious Primanti Bros. coleslaw.

Let these Hot Facts be known far and wide.

Regarding the immanent return of Corey Kluber.

The return of Corey Kluber — and, presumably, the return of the Corey Kluber Society, as well — is only one of the many, many tons of “things” on the crazy, jam-packed, break-neck September calendar of the Cleveland Indians.

Like, what is one thing that is on said turkey-chasing, event-bloated, bottle-necked schedule of the Cleveland Indians, you might ask.

“A number of things, for one thing,” one Indians executive elucidated.

“Oh there’s just oodles of stuff that we have going on this month,” said Indians PR Intern and erstwhile Ohio State sophomore Pliny Smithson.

Like, promotions at the ballpark? Ramping up a PR campaign to create excitement for the stretch drive?

“There’s that, yeah. And so much other stuff, too. Personally, I have, like, at least a dozens different things on my calendar for every day in the month of September,” Smithson offered. “Even weekends. I’m constantly tweeting.”

Nick Swisher, what do you have going on in September?

Read the rest of this entry »

I am posting this not on Labor Day. It is because, in solidarity with the continuing American labor movement, I did not labor on American Labor Day. Instead, I was alternately sipping Crystal Light beside a plastic wading pool and lobbing some pitches to my niece, nephew, and fiancée.

In honor of said, below are some leaderboards that measure how much Major League Baseball players have labored so far this season.

QUALIFIED PITCHERS

*The FanGraphs custom leaderboard that I used to create the above customized custom leaderboard can be found here.

QUALIFIED HITTERS

Note: the “TB&” stat is Total Bases plus BB, HBP, and SB attempts — basically letting you know how much, more or less, a player has run around (or sauntered) of his own accord. It doesn’t include other base running, and when you start to look at TB&/PA, it’s pretty worthless (because SBA is added in), but that’s why this is on NotGraphs and not on FanGraphs — well, that and a number of other really good reasons.

*The FanGraphs custom leaderboard that I used to create the above customized custom leaderboard can be found here.

Ugh, fine, Mrs. Blevins, Jerry Blevins will clean his stupid bedroom before he throws even one more pitch, even though he cleaned said stupid bedroom last stupid month.

(For real: is Jerry Blevins suppose to, like, clean his stupid bedroom every month of the year?)

OMG, if Jerry Blevins sees one more Instagram of homemade foodstuffs he’s going to have to seriously cull who he follows on certain social media platforms. Plebeian, for real, people. Your life is not mythology no matter how much sepia you wash it in.

Read the rest of this entry »

Must have missed this bit of news from the Brewers’ trip to Texas a couple weeks back…

While I missed that, the always spying Investigative Reporting Investigation Team did not. Found this in the IRIT’s photo archive from August 13:

Mexico, post-Axfordian appetite.

You can’t even eat [an entire country] without someone’s Google Glasses capturing you these days!

Hunter Pence has just struck out. Now, he is quietly thinking as he half-watches his teammate Brandon Crawford strikeout.

He is not thinking about his recent strikeout. He is not thinking about Brandon Crawford striking out or Brandon Crawford or Brandon Crawford’s hair. He is not thinking about baseball at all, or anyone associated with baseball.

What is he thinking about?

Read the rest of this entry »

The excellent and prolific Jeff Sullivan is responsible for the idea of “Little League Pitch Framing as NotGraphs Post,” though none of the shortcomings of what follows should be blamed on him. Many thanks to Jeff for the suggestion.

Baseball is a kids’ game, they say.

As a baseball geek who has no children, lives in a Major League city, and obsesses over his fantasy teams, I consume my baseball mostly from the Major Leagues. When it’s not MLB, it’s probably the high minor leagues or something like the college world series. Essentially, I’m watching baseball at the highest levels, the top 3000 or so players, guys who have been playing for decades. It’s easy for me to take for granted a basic level of coordination and awareness — which is why watching Raul Ibañez or Delmon Young in the outfield is so amusing.

Watching the Little League World Series, even though I’m watching the best twelve-year-olds in the world, I’m still watching twelve-year-olds, kids who have only been playing maybe six or seven years instead of 15-30 years, whose bodies are in the midst of rapid and significant changes, who haven’t learned to completely control their emotions.

So, it amazes me, while watching the Little League World Series, that twelve-year-old pitchers can even throw strikes on a consistent basis, or throw out a runner from the outfield, let alone have the mental wherewithal and bodily control to think about framing pitches. And just as some of these twelve-year-olds will sometimes be unable to throw strikes, some of the twelve-year-old catchers don’t have advanced receiving skills, either.

But: Watching those skills in development, that’s the cool thing for me. Noticing when a kid is trying to mimic what he sees in the big leagues, or when he masters his own body and remains perfectly still as he accepts the pitch, that’s cool. Also, noticing when the raw, nervous energy of adolescence and pre-adolescence make it near impossible to be composed, that reminds me getting better at something takes time and effort. It’s really great to see.

The excellent and prolific Jeff Sullivan suggested that someone at NotGraphs take a look at pitch framing in the Little League World Series. I volunteered, though I’m not sure if Jeff was hoping for something more humorous here. Originally, I intended to make this post more humorous, but as I made and then watched these GIFs over and over, I felt unexpectedly inspired. I developed favorites. I created narratives in my head. So, now that I’m making this post, now that I’ve made my plebeian observations, I’ve decided to present these moving images with minimal additional commentary.

Read the rest of this entry »

My fancies were tickled when I tuned into the A’s-Indians game just in time to watch Carlos Santana — a player whom I very much like to watch — bat against Daniel Straily, another player I like to watch.

Fancies were tickled further when Straily’s moustachios flashed upon the screen — moustachios not unlike a young, hip dad might have sported in the ’70s or ’80s.

Read the rest of this entry »