Hey, I bet you’re tired of Spring Training highlights, projection systems, talk of position battles and depth charts, and probably just baseball in general. I mean, that’s why you’re at this baseball website right now, instead of working, chillin’ with family or friends, or pursuing a more productive hobby.

In that case, won’t you participate in this distracting internet-quiz, which asks you to identify whether a given photo depicts belovéd NotGraphs editor Carson Cistulli or former pre-teen heartthrob Jonathan Taylor Thomas? Thank you.

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I’ve recently been irked by this article at The Barnstormer by Mike Spry, which seems to hold that fans who are “into advanced stats” can’t appreciate the abstract beauty of the game, or that such fans are unable to participate in true, scintillating arguments about baseball topics. It’s a tired argument that shouldn’t need to be refuted again. Even if there are such closed-minded “statheads,” if you don’t like them, don’t read their blogs, don’t engage them. There are enough baseball fans and websites that there should be conversation and internets enough for everyone. While there are plenty examples of statistically-minded baseball fans making fun of those who eschew advanced stats, I think we’d be hard-pressed to find a stat-fan who’d say that stat-haters are not fans at all, which seems to be something that is often argued or at least heavily implied in the other direction.

A player like Liván Hernández is, for me, one of so many examples of how looking at the stats can lead to fun and productive arguments. His stats can create any number of narratives, any number of discussions about the usefulness of stats, where they still fall short, etc. They can lead us to consider — in conversations with palpable friends over analog beer and under the analog sky — about the value of an innings eater, what makes an average player, what sorts of teams would most benefit from a guy like Liván this season — the list approaches infinity. Any of these would be a fun conversations to have, with real room for dialog and insight. I know that I have had many such exchanges with friends, and if there’s a “stathead” who hasn’t had the same, I truly feel sorry for him/her, but I suspect that such specimens are few and far between.

Whether you’re already starting to petrify in front of your basement-computer or need to have your MLB-video-archive-cherry popped, please join me now in celebrating a pinnacle in the career of Liván Hernández, one of MLB’s “lesser freaks” of the late ’90s and early ’00s: his record-setting 15-strikeout game in the 1997 NLCS against the Atlanta Braves. (Video after jump.)

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The Golem’s Might Swing, by James Sturm
(Drawn & Quarterly, 2001)

The Golem’s Mighty Swing was Time magazine’s 2001 Best Graphic Novel.[1] It takes place in the 1920s, and focuses on an [almost] all-Jewish barnstorming team, the Stars of David, inspired by the real life House of David teams that played into the 1950s.

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Rickey Henderson is the fucking greatest for many reasons. The following anecdote is further proof of said.

from Long Shot by Mike Piazza

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In Richmond, Virginia, high school student Jackie Bradley, Jr. is a baseball-whiz living with his uncle and aunt. He is bitten by a flying squirrel (which had previously been bitten by a radioactive spider) while attending a minor league game and acquires the agility and proportionate strength of an arachnid and a rodent. Along with super strength, he gains the ability to adhere to walls and ceilings, and to crack even the hardest nuts with his incisors. He also becomes very cute. Through his knack for sport, he develops a beautiful swing that lets him rope doubles to all fields with the flick of his quick, strong wrists.

Initially seeking to capitalize on his new abilities, he dons the uniform of a Royal for some reason, and, as “Jackie-Bradley-Man”, becomes a high school baseball star. However, he blithely ignores the chance to swing at a hanging curveball, and his indifference ironically catches up with him when the same curveball lands, roughly one millisecond later, in the catcher’s glove for a called strike three, ending an insignificant college game in a loss for his team, but also, somehow, leading to the death of his uncle. Ever since, Jackie-Bradley-Man has tracked and subdued curveballs, learning that “With great athleticism there must also come great pitch recognition!”

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Los Angeles Angels 1B prospect C.J. Cron is a good human being. All the scouts will tell you: What Cron doesn’t understand, he does not judge; but he does not fear the unknown — or at least he does not act out of such fear.

His vigilance against cruelty to other living things has plus-plus potential, and he has the work ethic (something that Protestant scouts will point to as additional evidence of Cron’s good human potential) to make that projection manifest in the Big Leagues of Life. His everyday interaction with other humans, especially, are fluid, and he’s a natural at treating others with dignity. He’s very patient at the plate, and in almost every other situation.

He rarely curses out of frustration or anger, but drops f-bombs liberally when camaraderie is at stake.

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Those readers who have imbibed themselves with the audio libations that are the weekly FanGraphs podcast featuring Carson “Boy Hitler” Cistulli and Dayn “Sex With Men & Women” Perry know that an episode is not to be missed, especially the most recent episode.

That is why those listeners will want to drink deeply of the following: a previously unaired episode of said podcast, which finds our beloved pod-stars affirming each other’s affirmations in an exchange that is sure to lift your Monday-soiled spirits. Enjoy!

Totally Unaltered Audio

Pitchers and catchers have reported! Does your Personal Computer Desktop reflect the excitement? NO?! Fear not, loyal reader: NotGraphs provides!

From the creator of the acclaimed 1986 Topps Wallpaper, NotGraphs presents these fine NotGraphs Personal Computer Desktop Wallpapers, featuring some of the more “colourful” baseballing personalities that frequent These Very Electronic Pages. Your Personal Computer Desktop will be conveying Spring Training Fever — and more 😉 — at the click of your mouse!

Please Note: all wallpapers are optimized for a 1680×1050 screen, but should lineup very closely with all 15-inch screens. Open them in a new window/tab and download them all, if you like!

Now, in the words of Mr. Miyagi, Choose!

Let Timmy offer you balls every morning when you boot up!

Let Hunter Pitt-Pence scare your dad!

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Today is February 12th, the birthday of Don Stanhouse. That fact, and the fact that I have created the GIF below should be enough to declare today the next NotGraphs Feast Day — the Feast of Stanhouse the Very Orange.

To celebrate, a brief hymn:

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Image thanks to Andy Gray at SI Vault.

Damn, Earl Weaver, you knew how to walk the line — though often, you crossed it. Thrown out at least 91 times, even today you might be thrown to the wolves for your lack of small balls. Big balls only, you always said; sport coats and ties. But Schlitzes, Marlboros, too, in their time. You knew how to walk that line.

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