The good Mr. Eno Sarris presented just this last week shocking revelations concerning everyone’s favorite journeyman backup’s backup catcher, Eliezer Alfonzo. Sarris revealed to NotGraphers that Mr. Alfonzo apparently possesses some manner of mysterious tincture in which a deceased snake resides.

Here is its representation in a certain scholarly journal to which I subscribe:

To be honest, though, I did not sate my interests with the information from Eno or the aforementioned journal article, so I felt inspired to dig a little deeper. Here is what happened:
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It has become apparent John Axford has recently joined or is petitioning for membership in the ever-popular bike gang the Hell’s Brewers. His time-tested, well-feared facial hair arrangement tells us his in fact a shoe-in:

Click to reverse-shrink it!

For reference, here is John Axford a mere 30 years ago:

And here is John Axford circa yesterday, on his way to the ballpark:

The Marlins manager, Edwin Rodriguez, announced his sudden, surprising-yet-not-all-that-surprising resignation on Sunday. the Marlins are presently 1 for the month of June, and now 0-1 without Rodriguez.

We now see, however, the departure was inevitable:

Meanwhile, the interim manager, bench coach Brandon Hyde, appears likely to have a fistful of trouble himself. Observe the tense, self-aware expression on Mr. Hyde’s face and the ever-looming Ejector standing by:

Behold the following documentary series which offers insight into both the inner workings of the world of baseball and the intriguing back-stories of Carl Crawford’s relationship with the Rays.

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The Seattle Mariners have had, what poets have deigned, a “turd-tastic” decade. This however, has not stopped them from having fun. Behold! The great Seattle Mariners Commercials!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pf_HoE-mRoQ
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Eddie “The Brat/Muggsy” Stanky

Eddie Stanky is among the many illustrious players to have two nicknames: The Brat and Muggsy. You, dear acned reader, do not need me to explain the obvious superiority of the Muggsy nickname (for the clean face’d aristocrats who have mis-browsed here: Eddie “Muggsy” Stanky — all “ee” endings!).
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For those who do not know, Babe Ruth was the white Josh Gibson. It is also a widely known true fact that Gibson hit a homer in Pittsburgh, only to have it caught for an out the following day in Washington.

Observe: Gibson not only hit somewhere around 800 homers in his time in the Negro Leagues, but he also did so whilst swinging an estimably 700-pound bat. We can only imagine the two suitcases contain Gibson’s two, 10-feet-wide batting gloves, which could double for tents in a pinch.

For those who like baseball, underdogs, and legends, may I direct your attention to the Negro Leagues, where greats like Gibson, Satchel Paige, and Buck Leonard built both statistics and folklore like castles.

Behold! My latest, most impressive findings!

Teams with dumb names (such as the Mets and Orioles) typically cannot hit as well as teams with average names (such as the Dodgers and Astros), while teams with superior names (such as the Pirates and Tigers) hit as poorly as their ill-named counterparts! These findings were not only significant at the 99% level, but they also had an R-squared near 0.224 — meaning a full 22% of a team’s offense come from the pride they take in their name!

It is a well known axiom that players hit precisely how they feel, so when you go out, day after day, wearing the emblem of a cute little bird, it is very difficult to muster the wherewithal to swing a club at a ball. Using Weighted On-Base Average (wOBA) and Name Awesomeness Plus (NA+, a completely arbitrary stat I invented for the purpose of this study), we can see how having a name that’s too awesome can be just as detrimental to performance!

We can only assume that if a team has an exceedingly awesome name, such as the Cubs, Pirates, or Braves, the players have less incentive to play hard. They already feel good about themselves, so they do not need to prove themselves any further.

For the full data set, see below.

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No. It’s not alcohol. A Cubs fan’s greatest ally is a shoulder on which to cry. Few better shoulders exist than Tim Souers’s, the artist behind the site Cubby-Blue.com.

The life of a Cubs fan meanders along a path of self-loathing and repeated punishment. For those of us who choose this way of life, it sure is nice to lighten the mood occasionally with some fancy art and bone-jostling funny-tales.

Taste the bitter wine of the Cubs life, and grow wiser on its drought of suffering.

Navin Naswani showed you this interesting photo last week:

What he failed to highlight, however, was the presence of Friend of Site, Ejector of Fears, Joe West. Yes, ol’ Westy actually inspired this event, spinal tapping the base-pilfering hippie — demanding he eject the second base by all means necessary. Computer, ENHANCE!:

God bless that Micronian.