MUAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

DAMN THE RULES
IMA ROLL BACK HOME!!!!!! Read the rest of this entry »

Some predictions need neither timelines or explanations. These are those predictions:

• A catcher’s defensive UZR will be 80% composed of pitch-framing abilities.

• Pitchers will have to wear small, hard helmets to protect themselves from line drives.

• The MLB league office, tired of the Tampa Bay Rays pitching two no-hitters per week while averaging 10 called strikeouts per game, will install robot umpires, effectively outlawing pitch framing. Human umpires will be allowed to and then eventually required to tweet about the game whenever the bases are empty. #umptweets
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Few could forget the sensational YouTube video that launched the career of Yoenis Cespedes. The Oakland Athletics outfielder has since gone on to become the greatest outfielder in the MLB, leading the league in homers through the first 4 games of the season. Because most MLB scouts get their news first from YouTube, it will come as little surprise that the next Yoenis Cespedes is making a similar entrànce.

The following video features FanGraphs (RotoGraphs) writer David Wiers, approximately an impress seven hands tall, at first whiffing on 50 mph high, sizzling heat, and then utilizing some classic Oakland Athletics plate patience (i.e. asking his friend to aim the pitching machine lower) to get the pitcher exactly where he wanted him. Wiers then summons the totem spirit: elephant via his Daric Barton shirsey, and he starts cracking some scalding weak dribblers — presumably through the drawn-in infield for some triples and hustle-doubles.

Situational hitting!:

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On Monday, I took your brains on a magical ride to a place where the sand flows like wine and the sun shines like the moon — Phoenix. Today, I bring the thrilling quasi-conclusion of that epic weekend.

For those who are having difficulty following the carefully crafted plot, check out the first video. It has already been submitted to Cannes with, quote, “High expectations.”

The staff at FanGraphs makes an annual trip to Spring Training, seeing as how we are all in this virtual workplace and occasionally need assurance that the people we are talking to online are in fact real, carbon-based creatures. Here is footage from that assurance ritual:

Shortstop Brad Woods, future Hall of Famer.

Vitals

Game: MLB 2K12
Platform: Playstation 3, XBOX 360, Wii, PC, etc.
Developer: 2K Sports
Modes: Franchise, Superstar, Online, and MLB Today
Cool Features: Unique pitching system, MLB Today game mode, and highly customizable players in Superstar mode.

Here’s a video of some gameplay — not mine own, do note, so I cannot say with certainty what platform this is from.
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Review: Complete.

Hat tip, glove slap, and furtive glance to Steve Slowinski for pointing this out to me.

It’s true:

“I was just drying my head off in between innings,” he said. “It’s happened to me two times before. The towel just catches the back of my head and it pulls my neck forward. I just felt it a little bit in back of my neck and just wanted to be cautious with it. … It’s spasms, there’s a little pop and it just spasms up and gets a little tight.”

Dude loves to towel off. In other words, this is how David Price feels in between innings:

And at the end of the day?

Internet!

Here is a comprehensive list of things I am terrified of:

• Meeting Internet People (i.e. FanGraphs writers) in person (i.e. this weekend in Phoenix).

I may have only known Bill Petti for a couple of days — mostly because I thought both he and Justin Bopp were named “Justin Bopp” — but I can tell you for certain: He is the most handsome male FanGraphs writer of the year.

Behold, his moments of glory on FanGraphs Clubhouse Confidential:

More thoughts below.
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