Alex Rodriguez News Summary

Alex Rodriguez is probably the most despised player in baseball history. Rodriguez’ contract is considered among the worst in baseball. Alex Rodriguez has vehemently denied reports he was flirting with two Australian models after getting benched during Game 1 of the ALCS. “So is it fair to accuse him of everything but the Kennedy assassination? No, it’s not fair, but we’ll see what happens from this point on.” The numbers support a player who has expanded the strike zone, which I believe suggests a player “cheating” to catch up to pitches, and is losing plate discipline in the process. And if he cannot play, he’s going to be as easy to live with as a nest of bedbugs for the next five years. He has been degraded, dominated, made to feel insignificant. All that remains is to strip the few final threads from his pride. Brian Cashman refuted a report that the team has spoken with the Miami Marlins about a potential trade of the polarizing third baseman. Alex Rodriguez said that if it is up to him — and it is — he will be a Yankee in 2013, and beyond. Alex Rodriguez’s friend Kobe Bryant has some advice for the struggling slugger. “I just say to him, ‘You’re Alex Rodriguez,’”

[Photo: Giant Albatross]

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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

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Even the albatross has calm, Jeterian eyes.


Like the eyes of Jesus, cleansing the treacle blight of my soul.