A Zen Koan Featuring Max Scherzer

A young pupil came to his master and asked for a koan to ponder.

Responded his master: “Show me the sound of Hall & Oates playing blue-eyed soul.”

The pupil played “Rich Girl” on a small stereo.

“Good,” said the master. “Now show me the sound of Max Scherzer playing blue-eyed soul.”

The pupil bowed and went to his room to consider this problem.

The next evening, when his teacher asked him to illustrate the sound of Max Scherzer playing blue-eyed soul, the pupil began to lip sync “Rich Girl” in a voice like Max Scherzer’s. “No, no,” said his master. “That’s not it at all.” The night after, the pupil returned and threw a ball in the style of Max Scherzer’s windup. The master was equally unimpressed by this performance.

For ten nights, the pupil arrived to demonstrate for his master the sound of Max Scherzer playing blue-eyed soul. Always, the master rejected him. At last, he stopped coming to the each night. For almost a year he thought about the Max Scherzer question.

Finally, the little pupil entered his master’s room silently, sat before him, and removed his own eyes. As blood and gore showered the pupil’s face, the master noted that this, as well, wasn’t the sound of Max Scherzer playing blue-eyed soul. “And not only that,” continued the master, “but the medical bills for your indiscretion will be nearly debilitating to our little monastery.”