A Layman’s Guide to the Dodgers Fiasco

If you are at all like me, you haven’t really been following the Dodgers’ messy ownership situation over the last few years. Because if there is anything less interesting than when the rich and famous get married, it’s when they get divorced. So mainly for my own edification (and for that of those in a similar position) I have attempted to construct a basic summary of this whole fercockt mess.

It seems to me like this is just your typical case of boy (who has the same name as a famous dead author) meets girl; boy falls in love with girl; boy and girl get married; boy and girl become middle-aged man and woman; like so many marriages, theirs begins to grow stale as it enters its third decade; man and women attempt to revitalize their marriage by adopting a Major League Baseball team from Los Angeles (that they might not have even been able to afford to support in the first place); man hires the nerdy guy who is played by Jonah Hill in that new movie that’s coming out to be GM; man fires the nerdy guy who is played by Jonah Hill in that new movie after just two seasons; man and woman soon learn that adopting a Major League Baseball team could not do very much to repair the fact that man and woman just kinda don’t like each other anymore; a day before the start of their team’s second straight NLCS appearance, man and woman announce their separation; a day after their team loses its second straight NLCS, man fires woman from her position as CEO of their team; woman (as any self-respecting woman would) files for divorce; man says nasty things about woman and changes the locks on her office; man attempts to obtain sole custody of the team; woman challenges man’s claim to sole custody; time passes; man and woman begin to work towards a settlement; strapped for cash, man takes out loan and promises to repay it with money that he might never have; man and woman are investigated by the IRS for allegedly skimming millions of dollars from the team without paying taxes; Child Protective Services steps in and takes custody of the team; the younger brother of that old guy from Face the Nation is appointed as the team’s foster parent; Child Protective Services rejects the deal man and woman have in place to settle their custody battle; and we all wait for what happens next.

That’s all there is to it, really.

As they say: it’s always the children who are hurt the most in divorces.