…traded in the Blue Jays-Mets deal for R.A. Dickey, was less than a year old when R.A. Dickey was drafted by the Detroit Tigers in the 10th round of the 1993 draft.

It got me wondering if there have been any players traded for anyone who wasn’t born yet when they started their careers. I quickly checked some likely suspects…

Rickey Henderson (drafted June 1976) traded in 1997 from the Padres to the Angels for Stevenson Agosto (born September 1976). Rickey Henderson is the answer to everything.

Anyone know any others?

In his major-league career, Moises Alou tallied precisely 2,134 hits. In retirement, Moises Alou has devised no fewer than one way to live the Good Life. Witness …

Breakfast of a Champion! lockerz.com/s/268909272

— Moises Alou (@MoisesAlou18) December 14, 2012

Please allow me to save you exactly one Internet Hot Click and reveal what lies within …

That, friends, is a Presidente Light, which hideous people like Eno Sarris would describe as “passable” or “brutish” or “disconcertingly post-colonial.” However, Moises Alou, a gentleman both cocksure and sure of cock, knows that a Presidente Light is best enjoyed while morning is still virginal, the possibilities still puffy.

He is on the way to buy cologne for his van.

Not pictured: barbecue chips, ladies.

Astros Designate Storey For Assignment bit.ly/XAXoVl #mlb

— MLB Trade Rumors (@mlbtraderumors) December 17, 2012

For the second or maybe fifth time this offseason, right-handed reliever Mickey Storey was designated for assignment by one or another team — in this case, to create room on Houston’s 40-man roster for newly signed first baseman Carlos Pena.

It’s understandable from the Astros’ perspective, but it’s a bit of the tough break for Storey, who posted a 2.99 SIERA and 99 xFIP- in 30.1 innings this season for Houston.

In point of fact, there are a number of stories that probably ought to be DFA’d before Storey himself. Here are three very strong candidates, for instance.

1. Mickey Blue Eyes, Dir. Kelly Makin
Makin actually appears to have directed some Kids in the Hall episodes — so his oeuvre has some decidedly high points, as well — but this Hugh Grant vehicle, in which said Englishman marries into a mafia family, represents the only film ever to compel the easily entertained author to leave a theater.

2. Ulysses, James Joyce
True fact: in certain countries, reading Ulysses is a form of state-mandated punishment. Or, I mean, it probably is. Who can really tell, right?

3. Mein Kampf, Adolf Hitler
The German state of Bavaria has copyright ownership of Hitler’s autobiographical screed for about three more years, and they’re using the opportunity to publish a final, authoritative edition of the text to reveal not simply the extent of evil present therein, but also how poorly written and laborious the book is.

TORONTO – After agreeing to an extension with the Toronto Blue Jays today, pitcher R.A. Dickey will be in a whole new world for the next three years. This shining, shimmering, splendid extension finalized a trade that sent Dickey from the Mets to Toronto.

Sources were unable to confirm when Dickey last let his heart decide.

“[Toronto GM] Alex [Anthopoulos] really opened my eyes to the wonder of Canada,” Dickey said in a press conference announcing the deal. “He took me on a helicopter trip. We went over, sideways, and under the city. I really felt like I was on a magic carpet ride.”

“I’m excited to show R.A. a new fantastic point of view,” said Anthopoulos. “In Toronto, there’s no one to tell us ‘no’, or where to go. No one says we’re only dreaming.”

Dickey said that though he has pitched in Toronto before, he never got to really experience the city.

“It’s a dazzling place. I never knew. But now, from way up here, it’s crystal clear. I’m in a whole new world. Unbelievable sights.”

Dickey told reporters his feelings were indescribable, and even his plane trip to Toronto made him feel as if he were soaring, tumbling, and freewheeling through an “endless diamond sky.”

“I told him not to dare close his eyes,” said Anthopoulos. “There are still a hundred thousand things to see.”

Dickey was then asked about his recent ascension from minor-league cast-off to Cy Young winner and staff ace.

“I’m holding my breath, in hopes it gets better. I’m like a shooting star, really. I’ve come so far. I can’t go back to where I used to be.”

Dickey’s wife Anne, also at the press conference, was asked to explain the process of negotiating and having her husband on the trading block.

“It was really a whole new world,” she said. Every turn, there was a surprise. But now, we have new horizons to pursue. I hope every moment is red-letter.”

“I’ll chase him anywhere,” she said when asked how she felt about possibly moving to a new country. “There’s time to spare. I’m just excited to share this whole new world with him. Toronto, that’s where we’ll be.”

“It’s been a thrilling chase,” added R.A. Dickey. “But this is a wondrous place for my wife and me.”

Abu the Monkey contributed to this story.

Tis the season to give, receive, and be thankful, I guess.

Many people will be getting or have already gotten something other than what they wanted this year, however — and they’re not afraid to tell you about it!

Read the rest of this entry »

The flag of Metropolitan Toronto flies politely over the region.

As FanGraphs managing editor Dave Cameron noted over the weekend, the Blue Jays’ acquisition of right-hander R.A. Dickey is merely the latest in a series of aggressive, but reasoned, offseason maneuvers that have positioned the club as a legitimate contender in the usually competitive AL East.

Now, the Blue Jays’ marketing department is tasked with spreading the word about what promises to be an exciting season for Toronto. However, as the five following proposed slogans — acquired by our very secretive Investigative Reporting Investigation Team — as they indicate, it is not necessarily within the Canadian nature to brag or boast or otherwise champion one’s own virtues.

To wit:

1. Come Out and Watch Us — Unless You Already Have Plans, No Problem!

2. We’ll Win a Lot — But Not by an Unsporting Amount, Don’t Worry!

3. You’ll Enjoy This Team — Not That We Presume to Know Your Tastes!

4. What a Great Team — Although, All the Teams Are Great in Their Own Way!

5. Let’s Go, Toronto — And All Other Area Municipalities, Too, Like Halton!

As my beleaguered comrade Eno Sarris has already emoted, R.A. Dickey is leaving the fair city of New York. The casual fan might assume that the Blue Jays-Mets swap is one of those unfortunate deals necessary for a rebuilding club to get younger. They might then accidentally go on to miss the intelligent, witty veteran with the lovable knuckleball. Fortunately, the New York Post is there to dispel these illusions, and remind the reader that R.A. Dickey is in fact a clubhouse cancer and possible convicted felon, who has fled north to escape his inevitable tarring/feathering.

The Post’s Mr. Davidoff doesn’t actually supply much hard evidence for the selfishness of the 38 year-old pitcher whose performance the past three seasons has has surpassed his pay six times over. Fortunately, we here at the NotGraphs Investigative Reporting Investigation Team have uncovered a list of some of Dickey’s petulant demands and grotesque personal charisma. An anonymous source revealed the following unforgivable sins:

Read the rest of this entry »

Kenesaw Mountain Liondis

He also has a disembodied hand, what for a’hootin’ at gamblers and riff raff.

Reader Greg W. alerts us to a Twitter trend from the Great North. As the Blue Jays grow closer and closer to acquiring R.A. Dickey, an interesting turn of events on the stream:

Check out full coverage here. Thanks, Greg.

(Coming later this week, the Syndergaardification of Faacebook.)

Through him I sheltered from the pain
on a sagging couch
My seat was nearest to the game
as he let those butterflies loose
And while they talked of free agents and prospects,
he transfigured the team into champions.

Read the rest of this entry »