Over the weekend, Mark Reynolds had six hits in 11 official at-bats. Three of those hits were doubles. Two of them were home runs. Reynolds scored four runs, and drove in six, in Baltimore’s sweep of Boston. He even stole a base. Perhaps most unbelievable of all, Reynolds struck out only twice, while walking five times. Mark Reynolds. Walked five times. Four times in one game, actually. Sure, the game lasted 17 innings, but, you say “w-O-B-A,” pronouncing each and every letter distinctly, while I say “wOBA,” pronounced “Whoa-bah.” The point is: Reynolds walked five times. And three of those four walks on Sunday came in the game’s first six innings. Let’s be honest: The Red Sox deserve to be in last place.

But Reynolds’ finest accomplishment of the weekend came Friday night, when, after his third inning solo home run off of Jon Lester, he left his manager, the inspiring Buck Showalter, hanging. GIF of the year. No doubt about it.

Now, we were going to send in our award-winning Investigative Reporting Investigation Team to, you know, investigate, until I realized that The Baltimore Sun’s Investigative Reporting Investigation Team — yes, they’ve got one too — was already all over the story.

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A couple of weeks ago, I offered up a number of potential titles for sitcoms that would be perfect for MLB Network. The most popular, according to the poll, was Mad About Yu. Also getting a solid number of votes: Saved by Heath Bell, Leave it to Weaver, Diff’rent Smoaks, and Will (Clark) and (Mark) Grace. You submitted a number of your own suggestions– most plus’d in the comments were SeinFuld and Maddon’s Men. Other reader suggestions I liked were Two and a Half Nen, Park Factors and Recreation, and The Big Hurt Theory.

That makes ten. Starting today, I’ll be presenting short excerpts from each of these television shows.

First up, PARK FACTORS AND RECREATION.

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Brian McCann is the hard-hitting catcher for the Atlanta Braves. Arn Anderson once teamed with Tully Blanchard to haunt the squared circle and our dreams. Both are Gentlemen of Verona. They are also quite possibly the same man …

In the upper left of the abovely embedded image, you see Arn Anderson dressed up like Brian McCann. Mr. Anderson has gone so far as to dress himself in baseball woolies and surround himself with central-casting teammates. He points menacingly at the opposition, which is what wrestlers are wont to do. Why is he going to such lengths and depths? Because he might as well be Brian McCann.

In the bottom right of the abovely embedded image, you see Brian McCann adopting the buffalo stance known as “Looking Like Arn Anderson.” Observe his hairy, sweaty skin the color of hamster bedding. Admire his championship belt, which signifies, by turns, the rewards of valor and or deeds of a dirty nature already done. Why is Brian McCann going to such lengths to look like Arn Anderson? Because he might as well be Arn Anderson.

This has been the zipper- and latex-clad, becocked work of the NotGraphs Investigative Reporting Investigation Team.

This is a run expectancy matrix from the Cubs broadcast on Sunday. Cubs broadcaster Len Kasper has started a series featuring new advanced stats each Sunday, having already introduced the triple slash and BABIP.

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Baltimore’s Chris Davis made his major-league pitching debut against Boston on Sunday, earning the win with two innings of scoreless work while striking out two, walking one, and allowing two hits (box).

For the benefit of both (a) our readers and (b) baseball’s various advance scouting departments, we present this entirely complete and infallible scouting report on Chris Davis, right-handed pitcher.

Role: Late, Late Inning Reliever
When you talk about Chris Davis, you’re not talking about a starting pitcher or middle reliever or set-up guy or closer; you’re talking about a guy who’s gonna get the job done in, like, the 16th and 17th inning. He has a career average leverage index of 2.35 — considerably better than second-place Brian Wilson’s career 2.07 mark. Words like “gamer” and “clutch” are insufficient: you need to translate them into German and then back into English to fully characterize Davis’s mound temperament.

Stuff: Unclassifiable
What does Davis throw, exactly? Don’t ask PITCHf/x:

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Aaron Cook of the Red Sox was spiked during a play at the plate on Saturday. One consequence is that Cook is now on the disabled list. Another consequence is that Boston’s pitching woes continue apace. A third, greater consequence is that a laceration that looks like it’s delivering a prepared speech is cool …

Thank you, Aaron Cook, for momentarily entertaining us. Now away with you.

Reader and home-surgery enthusiast Brian writes in thusly:

In the bottom of the Nats 5th today, Gio Gonzalez slid into third base. I was listening on radio, and the play by play guys had a hard time deciding if he slid in headfirst or feetfirst, or if he slid feetfirst and then also headfirst. A friend who saw it on TV describes Gio’s slide thusly: “Imagine a dog flopping over on a slick floor, legs flailing in all different directions.”

I would like to see this.

Like the best civil servants and/or young women who become erotic dancers because their fathers never loved them enough, the members of Team NotGraphs are desperate to please both reader Brian and everyone else. Accordingly, we present this footage of Washington left-hander Gio Gonzalez, in a clear violation of Newtonian physics, sliding both head- and feet-first simultaneously.

Last weekend, just before Matt Kemp hit a walk-off home run against the Washington Nationals, Dave Brown tweeted the following.

Just want this on the record: Cat Memp.

— Dave Brown (@AnswerDave) April 29, 2012

Presented without comment: “Cat Memp.”

BayBank! It was a thing!

Even Eckstein thinks C3PO uses a small bat.