Archive for April, 2012

Dick Allen Surrounded by …

Dick Allen surrounded by … Allen wrenches!

Allen wrenches! Although, I suppose, if one were so inclined, one could view the above adornments as peckers of a certain crudity — “dicks,” in the parlance of the Teenage Thunderclaps who roam the streets of America in defiance of local curfews — but, no. No, these are Allen wrenches. Dick Allen is surrounded by Allen wrenches.

And may I say he seems content to watch them go by. “This is not so bad,” he seems to be saying. “I’m going to hang with these wrenches for a while and then go do something amazing.”


Want: Baseball Glove Billfold

A must for the Leisured Gentleman.

It’s $348, and Coach is, frankly, ridiculous, but having a wallet that looks and feels like a baseball glove just make sense, dammit.

H/T: It’s a long season.


GIF: Fernando Rodney Plays Baseball for First Time

The NotGraphs Investigative Reporting Investigation Team has uncovered years-old footage this evening of major-league relief pitcher Fernando Rodney playing baseball for the first time ever in his life.

The reader might mistakenly suppose that, because Fernando Rodney looks like a grown man in this video and because he’s wearing a Tampa Bay Rays jersey (i.e. the team for which he currently plays) and because said footage is very clearly taken from the Rays television network and because it also includes Carlos Pena, a current teammate of Rodney’s — for all these reasons, a reader might mistakenly suppose that this years-old footage is not, in fact, years old, but actually from, say, a half hour ago.

While, yes, circumstantial evidence certainly appears to suggest that this footage is from this very evening, all such evidence is rendered moot when one considers that even a person who had only played baseball in his wistful, Latin American daydreams would likely field a ball with greater aplomb than Rodney here. Then one is forced to conclude that this is, indeed, years-old footage of Fernando Rodney playing baseball for the first time.

Source: something called GIFULMINATION via Timothy Burke.


Pedro Martini

It’s apparently Beverage Week at NotGraphs, and, so, I present:

Between 1997 and 2003, there was no better Martini. Best Martini in baseball.

In all seriousness, or as serious as NotGraphs can get, have a few drinks, and then look at Pedro Martinez’s 1999 and 2000 season statistics. Then drink some more. It’s really quite enjoyable, I’ve found. Cheers.

A longing gaze across the bar to Shawn Siegel. Check out his website: martinipop.com.


Case of the Blue Jays Hat: Moral Quandary Resolved!

Yesterday, the readership was asked to use their hearts and brains and computers to address the moral quandary of DRaysBay editor and RotoGraphs contributor and bearded gentleman Erik Hahmann. Specifically, said readership responded to this query: would he (Hahmann) — as someone who actively supports the Tampa Bay Rays — would be a bad fan were he to buy some form of Blue Jays team apparel?

After 24 hours of polling, it appears as though the bespectacled readership has answered, loudly and decisively, “Meh, whatever.”

Regard the startling, entabled results after the jump!

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The Complete Juan Francisco (Abridged)

One frequently encounters, while consuming works of narrative fiction — novels, films, political campaigns — one encounters something called “character development.” This is the process by which a character in a work is introduced to the audience.

While it’s not unusual to find a character ascribed certain traits overtly (i.e. “Ted is an asshole”), it’s more often the case that a character is ascribed those traits implicitly (i.e. “Ted spoke, at some length, about the differences between a souffle and fondant”). The audience is left to draw their own conclusions in this case — although the dots are there to be connected.

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Fan Base Leaderboard Update: NL East

Well, it’s shaping up to be another mind-numbingly predictable season. Orioles atop the AL East…Rays throwing grapefruits…Reds offense punchless…Pujols disappointing yet again…all-too-familiar names atop the leaderboards…Omar Infante…Jake Westbrook…yawn. Wake me when something happens, will you? But do you know what we do, here at NotGraphs, when suspense is at a premium? We manufacture some, that’s what. I present to you today a leaderboard heretofore never seen: a collection of stats that go beyond mere on-field performance to assess the vitality of a team’s entire culture. Could this completely revolutionize baseball analysis? That’s not for me to say, but yeah, probably.

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Ask NotGraphs #13

Dear NotGraphs,

I have a decent collection of baseball cards. At least, I imagine it is decent, or would have been, had I not chosen to collect baseball cards at a time when they were very popular. From 1990-1993, you couldn’t walk half a block without stepping on a discarded foil pack. My city had 15 card specialty shops. It now has 1. And I have lot of nice looking, worthless cards. Question is, what should I do with them?? It seems a shame to destroy them, but a 1988 Rookie card of Hall of Famer Roberto Alomar is still only worth 5 bucks. Maybe. There must be some way to get value out of them again.

I leave my question to your capably pondering mind.

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Nickname Seeks Player: Vote on “50 Free Quality Sales Leads”

The nomination process, which requires a credit card number for automatic renewal, is complete. But, lo, there is news!: The Iron Council of Patriots Speckled with the Blood of Quislings has ruled that, in this instance, an entire team is eligible for the nickname in question, which is “50 Free Quality Sales Leads.” So you are encouraged to vote your conscience, so long as your conscience is right-wise and informed by sanctioned holy texts.

So, land-owning Episcopalian citizens, you may now cast ballots on who — or what! — should forevermore be nicknamed “50 Free Quality Sales Leads” …


Thank you for exercising the franchise.


GIF: Jason Bay Broken Career Face

So now, less than three years later, you can get bleacher seats in your nearest National League stadium and look down on left field, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark — that place where Jason Bay’s career finally broke and rolled back.