Dear NotGraphs,

Sincerely,
Die Hard Angels Fan With Future Kids That MUST ALSO BE DIE HARD ANGELS FANS

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Since the beginning of time, man has desired to read syllogisms concerning Cuban outfielder Yoenis Cespedes. As for woman, she hasn’t desired it for nearly as long — but at least since the 80s, probably.

Today, for the first time, both genders find themselves entirely satisfied, as NotGraphs presents, apropos of nothing…

Three Syllogisms Concerning Yoenis Cespedes

Syllogism No. 1

Yoenis Cespedes eats hanging sliders for breakfast.
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
Hanging sliders are the most important meal of the day for Yoenis Cespedes.

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Nothing says baseball like David Baldacci’s novel, Zero Day.

I can’t give the book its needed credit, so here is the description from Amazon.com:

John Puller is a combat veteran and the best military investigator in the U.S. Army’s Criminal Investigation Division. His father was an Army fighting legend, and his brother is serving a life sentence for treason in a federal military prison. Puller has an indomitable spirit and an unstoppable drive to find the truth. 

Now, Puller is called out on a case in a remote, rural area in West Virginia coal country far from any military outpost. Someone has stumbled onto a brutal crime scene, a family slaughtered. The local homicide detective, a headstrong woman with personal demons of her own, joins forces with Puller in the investigation. As Puller digs through deception after deception, he realizes that absolutely nothing he’s seen in this small town, and no one in it, are what they seem. Facing a potential conspiracy that reaches far beyond the hills of West Virginia, he is one man on the hunt for justice against an overwhelming force.

It is 448 pages of heart pounding action for the baseball fan, especially if you are at Kauffman Stadium watching the Royals lose their 11th in a row.

(h/t to focs at Royals Review and the NSFW version)

This is St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Mitchell Boggs:

Like many a reader or writer of NotGraphs, I’m a fan of wacky facial hair, and this here beard-thing is pretty bitchin’.

You know what else I like? Cats! And bitchin’ness aside, there’s no question that said beard-thing causes Mr. Boggs to closely resemble a Persian cat. The question, dear readers, is which of the following Persian cats does Mr. Boggs most resemble? Please weigh your options carefully, then cast a vote via the embedded poll below.

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In which images of the base-balling Reuschel brothers, Rick and Paul, are paired with befitting movie titles …

As I notice that 41-year-old Miguel Batista started the first game of yesterday’s Mets-Giants doubleheader…

Batista’s first game was as a member of the Pirates in 1992, where he pitched two innings (and gave up two runs). In the lineup against the Pirates that day, playing for the Phillies– although out of the game by the time Batista came in– was a 36-year-old Dale Murphy, on his way to a .161/.175/.274 season.

Murphy’s first game was in 1976, as a 20-year-old catcher (!), in the second game of a September 13th Braves doubleheader against the Dodgers. Making a pinch-hit appearance in the game for the Dodgers was a 38-year-old Manny Mota. He got a hit.

Mota’s first game was as a 24-year-old Giant in 1962, against the Dodgers. In the lineup with Mota was a 27-year-old Felipe Alou.

Alou managed Batista with the Expos from 1998-2000.

Also, Lincoln was shot by a man named Kennedy and Kennedy was shot by a man named Lincoln. Or something like that.

Dayn Perry and I are recording his meaningless weekly podcast appearance at 8pm ET tonight (Tuesday).

Feel free to submit questions or comments or notices of paternity in the comment section below.

Also, if you care for the show, and have some interest in seeing it one day surpass the Orvis Fly Fishing podcast in the iTunes rankings, consider leaving a comment at iTunes (link), as the algorithm for said rankings appears to weight the volume of comments received rather heavily.

I left New York for California in the summer of 2010, and though New York City is the best city I’ve ever lived in (compared to Negril, Hamburg, Atlanta, Mountain City (population 2500ish), Vero Beach, Boston, Palo Alto, San Francisco, London, Jersey City, and Menlo Park in that order), I don’t rue the move too terribly. Weather is only part of the reason — Beer figures in greatly too.

11 of the top 50 craft breweries (by volume) were in California last year, and if you pushed it out to 100, you might see even more of a share for this great state. San Diego seems to pump out a new craft brew prospect with upside every year. It was named the best beer city in America by Esquire last year. And home brewing is rampant here, where the weather is ideal for ales, and more people have garages with space for all the trappings.

So maybe it’s no surprise that three of the four California ballparks I’ve visited — AT&T and PetCo parks in particular — blow Citi Field’s beer selection out of the water. It may not even be the fault of the planners, it may just be a fact of geography.

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The Blue Jay Hunter was at it again last night, capturing, for our viewing pleasure, another hot GIF, this time of Kelly Johnson’s defensive wizardry in Kansas City.

It was the kind of play that gets you out of your seat; that makes you yell “Oh!”, or, in regards to Johnson’s pending free agency, “Can we keep him?”

(Unless you’re this guy, of course, with In The Action seats and clearly something better to do.)

Brandon Morrow’s reaction to the play is fantastic. Once he realizes he’s not getting to that ground ball, Morrow stops; he becomes a spectator, like everyone else. Morrow watches Johnson make the only play he could have, a brilliant backhand flip for the out, one that even Omar Vizquel surely appreciated, and then tries to get a piece of Johnson, in appreciation, as Johnson’s momentum takes him towards the Toronto dugout. I loved the fist pump from Johnson, too; Mitch Maier’s out.

Johnson saved a run; there were two outs on the play, and a runner on third base. A web gem, indeed, and they don’t come much prettier than that, yo.

I really like it when a baseball bat is referred to as a “wand.” I also like the name “Wandy.” I don’t know why; some words just strike a mind as funny — like honk, or Blastorama, or cheesepipe.

This weekend’s MLB games provided at least two photographic instances wherein a magic-based nickname was particularly applicable:

“Bat, I command you: hover afore my zombie posture!”

Tyler Greene’s Bat, A Metaphor

Neither Photoshop nor any other editing software was used in the construction of these images — though smoke, mirrors, and/or David Blaine might have been.