It’s not too early to be concerned about Red Sox pitching.[1] It’s not too early to analyze these Cubs. [2] It’s not too early to be impressed by the resilient Rays. [3] When it’s the Yankees, is it ever too early to panic? [4] Is it possible for a ballclub to establish an identity only two games into a 162-game season? [5] Two games amount to the smallest of samples, but there may be reasons why Tigers center fielder Austin Jackson is off to a fast start and Red Sox third baseman Kevin Youkilis is not. [6] Two games. Two tepid performances for seven innings that leave everyone scratching their heads and wondering how in the world this team is ever going to score enough runs to win. And then two stirring rallies that completely alter everyone’s opinions and make them believe anything may be possible with this team. [7] [W]hen so many blown saves occur in a short time, it’s impossible to ignore. [8] The general consensus among Marlins players was that Wednesday night’s four-hit performance in the opener at Marlins Park was just one game, and not the precursor to a trend for the Marlins, who had a relatively light-hitting spring. [9] Orioles Baseball: Is it too early to buy World Series tickets? [10]

Few could forget the sensational YouTube video that launched the career of Yoenis Cespedes. The Oakland Athletics outfielder has since gone on to become the greatest outfielder in the MLB, leading the league in homers through the first 4 games of the season. Because most MLB scouts get their news first from YouTube, it will come as little surprise that the next Yoenis Cespedes is making a similar entrànce.

The following video features FanGraphs (RotoGraphs) writer David Wiers, approximately an impress seven hands tall, at first whiffing on 50 mph high, sizzling heat, and then utilizing some classic Oakland Athletics plate patience (i.e. asking his friend to aim the pitching machine lower) to get the pitcher exactly where he wanted him. Wiers then summons the totem spirit: elephant via his Daric Barton shirsey, and he starts cracking some scalding weak dribblers — presumably through the drawn-in infield for some triples and hustle-doubles.

Situational hitting!:

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In 1794, the incorruptible Robespierre announced in a speech to the National Convention that “Terror without virtue is fatal; virtue without terror is impotent. The terror is nothing but justice, prompt, severe, inflexible; it is thus an emanation of virtue” — and then beheaded the majority of France’s ruling class (if not necessarily in that order).

One imagines that an almost identical thought occurred to Carlos Pena during Tampa Bay’s game yesterday against New York — during the first inning of which game, Yankees manager Joe Girardi ordered an intentional walk of shortstop Sean Rodriguez to load the bases for the Rays first baseman. It was at this juncture that Pena responded in the manner preserved by this GIF, a manner informed (plainly enough!) by equal parts terror and virtue.

Add “in bed” to conclude the following opinions about that one thing, for hours of fun [in bed]:

• as phenomenally tacky as you imagined.
• every bit as trippy as we expected.
• really happening.
• an oversized shooting gallery.
• still terriesome…awerrible…
• alive and terrible.
• a real thing, and it’s monstrous.
• predictably amazing.
• fully operational.
• as frightening as you might have expected
• huge. That is all.
• fully working now.
• taller than a pyramid of bulldozers.
• a little big. Amazing.
• priceless.
• the most super thing in baseball history and I love it. [Note: This is obviously actually about Notgraphs. In bed.]
• way worse than I thought it could be.
• even better than i could have imagined.
• currently being erected.

Thanks for visiting today’s sexual fortune cookie!

The nomination process, which was just delightful, is now complete. And now, citizens of America and her conquered lands, the time for taking part in the illusion of democracy has come.

The FanGraphs Administrative Subdivision Devoted to Patriotic Outcomes, known in commoner’s pidgin as La Svetlana, has whittled the list of vetted eligibles down to 10.

Your guiding query: Which player, because he is joyous, should be nicknamed “Opening Day”? Vote with care, caution and undying fealty to Dear Leader …

Thank you for exercising the franchise.

Phillies blog The Good Phight is looking for talented, self-motivated writers.

Qualified applicants will have been universally recognized as leading prose stylists, and probably won a Pulitzer Prize in something.

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Yeah, Colby Rasmus went 0-for-7 on Opening Day, and made an error, and you can choose to focus on that. But that’s taking a glass half empty approach to life, and my glass is half full.

Colby cares.

H/T: My man Ian, or @BlueJayHunter, as he’s known on the Internet. Be sure to visit his Blue Jays blog, which he diligently updates. He’s also got a Tumblr account, from where I shamelessly swiped the above GIF. A man of all platforms. Thanks, Ian.

Baseball’s so amazing. The confluence of predictability and unpredictability is so sharp and poignant in certain moments. Consider Jose Constanza, walking to the plate against LOOGY Tim Byrdak in the seventh inning, with his Braves down one run in their road opener. The Mets announcers would have you know the following things:

1) Constanza was the man who ended Daniel Murphy’s 2011 season with a slide.
[Cut to Murphy’s face]
2) Byrdak had knee surgery just three weeks before.
[Cut to grimacing Byrdak]
3) Constanza hit .385 in 39 at bats against lefties last year, so Braves manager Fredi Gonzalez has no qualms about leaving him in there.
[Cut to Fredi squatting and spitting seeds]
4) Michael Bourn, another lefty, is waiting in the on-deck circle.
[Cut to Bourn in the on-deck circle]

So, both visually and aurally, the scene is set for a dramatic moment for Constanza, correct? And yet, if you’d seen this swing before, you might have been predicting something like this all along.

Well, maybe not exactly that. But certainly something like that could have been predicted. And we’d feel worse about mocking the player for it, but from that walk of shame, Constanza knows what he did.

It has recently come to the attention of the NotGraphs Investigative Reporting Investigation Team that, in an effort to avoid the temptation of beer and chicken, the Boston Red Sox clubhouse started a competitive thumb wars league at the beginning of spring training.

Everything was going well – although fried chicken dealers in the Boston area were predicting a 17% drop in sales in 2012 – until starting pitcher Josh Beckett and new closer Andrew Bailey came down with right thumb injuries during their semifinal match of the clubhouse’s spring championship finale.

Said one unnamed member of Boston’s 40-man roster, “Bailey appeared to have the upper hand when Beckett attempted the Iranian Thumb Twist maneuver and it went horribly wrong.”

A highly-ranked Red Sox prospect in camp on a non-roster invite shook his head stating, “I’ll never watch thumb wars again the same way.”

According to a less-than-impressed front office official those within the clubhouse walls will never again utter the words: “One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war.”

The Miami Marlins gave away a “Marlins Commemorative Opening Night Lanyard” (more like lameyard, amirite?) to fans who attended the premier regular season game at Marlins Stadium last night.

In case you were wondering what other teams are giving away in their respective home openers today, NotGraphs has compiled a list:
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