Ultimately, I blame myself. I thought the first attempt at the Eric Sogard Meme was complete enough, if not entirely exhaustive. But there was one so conspicuous in its absence that it rendered previous efforts meaningless. I come now to atone:
This has been your Daguerreotype of the Evening.
“Just the tip” of the hat to Notgraphs reader Eric Czaplicki for suggesting this story.
1. Doug Fister
“I Hardly Know Her!” …Obviously our best in the bunch both in terms of ability and in terms of innuendo. Here’s a story: when I worked at a bookstore, I used to call people at the other information desks and tell them I needed them to look up something for a customer and then feed them this ISBN and hang up: 1890159026.
Earlier today, minor American author and disappointment to his parents Dayn Perry proposed to Kurt Suzuki how the latter might reach his daily quota of 4,000 calories in more colorful, debaucherous fashion. While Perry’s suggestion seems entirely original, some Serious Internetting has revealed that Perry actually stole his prescription directly from the late Harry Caray.
I’d say I was ashamed in him (i.e. Perry), but knowing how ashamed he already is in himself, I’ll refrain for the moment.
The Internet teaches us that A’s catcher Kurt Suzuki is attempting to gain weight this offseason by shoving down his gullet at least 4,000 calories each day. As Aaron pithily notes, Suzuki is being a crashing bore about the whole thing by choking down things like smoothies and turkey burgers. Clearly, Mr. Suzuki, in his bid to become larger and more in charger, needs some help.
So, in the interest of making Mr. Suzuki a more compelling Leisured Gentleman, we present these alternative routes to consuming four score and 3,920 calories in a day:
So, Mr. Suzuki, as you can see there’s really no cause to soldier on with banalities like “vegetables” and “meats not likely to lead to a CDC-declared Hot Zone encircling the blast field.”
John Autin over at High Heat Stats Blog pointed out that the length of the average save is dwindling. Watch it disappear:
Those of us who have been raised with the Internets in our mouths (or who have arrived at it later in life and still allowed it to ruin marriages and sundry other relationships) have come to expect these Internets to store and retrieve for us whatever the heck we want to look upon.
Expect the Internets to waste your time.
I assumed that the Carlos-Santana-(Cleveland-Catcher)-Carlos-Santana-(Guitar/Headwear-Prodigy) meme had been fully played out via the [potentially life-ruining] tandem of Photoshop and Blogger. Perhaps this is solipsistic, as I myself am have more than dabbled in said combo. Still, you think that a Google image search for “two carlos santanas” would return something better than this:
Sometimes, the Internets disappoint.
Really, Internets? REALLY? I guess the Baumer (that’s me) is going to have to step up yet again and start what you should have beaten dead long ago. Let’s get this trite: Read the rest of this entry »
Legendary broadcaster and Italian-American in disguise Harry Caray was fired unexpectedly by the St. Louis Cardinals after the 1969 season. Rumors circulated that the reason for Caray’s sudden dismissal concerned an alleged affair that Caray was having with the daughter-in-law of Cardinals owner August A. Busch, Jr.
Caray spoke to those rumors later in life. And, while he doesn’t expressly use the word sex as a verb — like other luminaries such as Color Me Badd and Young MC — it’s obvious to anyone with a brain that Caray is thinking it.
ESPN reports that Greg Maddux will be joining the Rangers as a part-time special assistant.
From the article:
“I appreciate the Cubs and how they treated me,” Maddux said. “Now I’ll hopefully help the Rangers out. I’m really not ready to take anything full time anyway because retirement is too good. Whoever said they don’t like retirement probably isn’t doing it right.”
Or maybe they just didn’t earn $153,845,000 during their career, and get to retire before they’re 45. Good grief. If you can’t enjoy retirement with a hundred and fifty million dollars, then, sure, you’re probably not doing it right.
Thinking man’s base ball-ist Eric Sogard is, natch, something of a local hero on these electric pages. So because of his heroism and because he is indubitably a Thing That Contains Multitudes, we are duty-bound to make a not a man out of him — I feel certain that Raquel Welch and Adrienne Barbeau have already attended to those refreshing matters — but rather make a meme out of him.
What follows is this Internetting Gentleman’s — this memesmith’s, this smither of memes’s — attempt to do just that …
Dear readers of poetic inclination, as you’re undoubtedly aware, Robert Frost teaches that “Style is that which inidcates how the writers takes himself and what he is saying.” If indeed that’s the case, then what must beleaguered and unappreciated former Twins reliever Ron Davis think of himself, and what is he saying?
