A daguerreotype for your review …

Survey this man’s bewitching countenance, and you’ll find it inevitable that his name is … Adrian Devine.

There are names so heavy-handed in their suitability that they seem plucked from some Hawthorne novel that the professorial and elbow-patched among us say you must read. So what do you name a man whose aspect suggests a Picaresque life of invading boudoirs and ripping bodices? You name him Adrian Devine. Or Caspian Sexworth. But probably Adrian Devine.

The attentive reader will recall how, recently in these electronic pages, I submitted a post regarding the very serious issue of Sam Fuld’s moral fiber.

Because I had no real opinion on Fuld’s contretemps with Alcides Escobar, I elected instead to leave the question of Fuld’s guilt/innocence to the readership via a slightly irreverant poll. While the results of the poll aren’t particularly important (although I’ll note that close to 50% of respondents believe that polls are a cheap way to drive traffic), what does deserve remarking, I think, is how it (i.e. the poll) garnered answers from 16 different countries — including, for example, Slovakia.*

This, if you’ll permit me a rare (and, I think, warranted) foray into the explicit, warms my fucking heart.

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I wrote a book that some people — people not even related to me — think is pretty good. That book [deep breath], Reggie Jackson: The Life and Thunderous Career of Baseball’s Mr. October, is now available in trade paperback at championship retailers everywhere. Just look at it!

If you’ve previously purchased and enjoyed the the boundless charms of the hardcover edition, please know that this one is much more ergonomic and comfortable. But that’s not all! Here’s an interview with me about said book, which, I may have mentioned, is available for purchase.

In the timeless words of the Video Professor, “Please try my product.” In fact, if you purchase this book, then I’ll come to your house, place of business or favorite darkened boulevard and sign it for you!*

^{*I will almost certainly not do this. But I do love all of you.}

I can neither confirm nor deny the claim that it takes a village to raise a child. I can, however, state with some certainty that it requires an electronic village to properly document all the frigging whimsy going otherwise undocumented at America’s ballparks.

In this particular instance, the electronic villager is Will, and he’s alerted us to what is clearly one of William Wallace’s allies from the Battle of Stirling Bridge, who, having traveled to the future, is posing as a Cardinal fan to avoid drawing attention to himself.

Either that, or it’s Jason Isringhausen in disguise. One or the other.

Pete Rambo
Ol’ Rambo pitched in one game, just 3 and 2/3 innings, with the Phillies in 1926. There’s not much more known about Warren Dawson Rambo (somehow “Pete” for short). He pitched for the Cumberland Colts minor league team for a pair of seemingly strong seasons in 1926 and 1927, but never made a significant imprint on the majors.

Here is an artistic rendering of what Pete Rambo may have look liked:

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Chapter 1: 

…and in February of 2020, delegates to the provisional government of the SABRland Autonomous Region voted unanimously to establish an independent nation. By opening day, a full constitution had been drafted to delineate new borders, institute a permanent system of government, and lay out clearly the foundational principles of the fledgling country. The most notable principle was of course the 3-to-1 Law, which required every citizen to spend a total of one week every month doing whatever work was deemed necessary by local labor councils and the remaining three weeks watching, thinking about, discussing, and writing about baseball (and doing whatever else made them happy, within reason).

In the new capital city of Jamestown — named for the revered sabermetric forefather, Bill James — the constitution was ratified as the season’s first pitch was thrown. And thus the Republic of SABRland was born without so much as a drop of blood being spilled.

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In real-time, on Twitter. Fun, wasn’t it?

Before I get going, I know what you want me to address, and I agree: FanGraphs’ analysis of all the deadline’s happenings was top notch. I’ll be honest: I’m no longer surprised by the quality of the staff’s work. I’ve met those guys, I know what they’re about. (They’re about baseball.) Together, they are a baseball-writing machine. A factory, even. And it’s all free. All the time. For you, and for me. Life is good.

But the deadline. Let’s talk about the deadline. Ubaldo Jimenez, Carlos Beltran, Orlando Cabrera, Derrek Lee, Michael Bourn, Edwin Jackson, Kosuke Fukudome, Erik Bedard, Koji Uehara, Hunter Pence, and Colby Rasmus, just to name a few, all have new summer homes. Action!

From a Twitterer’s perspective, it was fantastic to watch. Analsyis from the heavy hitters who use Twitter and use it well — the Olneys, Morosis, Laws, etc. — followed by instant fan reaction.

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It’s time for another installment of “Shorter Baseball Columnists,” in which we read mainstream baseball columnists and marginalized bloggers like Murray Chass so you don’t have to! Let us begin!

Shorter Gerry Callahan: Erik Bedard hates the media. Ergo, he will destroy the Red Sox.

Shorter Steve Rosenbloom: Alex Rios is having a bad season, and that, obviously, is a personal attack on me.

Shorter Jim Souhan: The Twins should trade for someone like Donovan McNabb. Or they should trade away someone like Donovan McNabb. Something like that.

Shorter Murray Chass: The New York Post, which is a newspaper, recently practiced what I consider to be shoddy journalism, which is why I hate bloggers.

Shorter Bill Dwyre: I like Derek Jeter.

Shorter T.J. Simers: No one connects with today’s youth quite like Tommy Lasorda.

Shorter Joe Cowley: No one’s ever made a joke about how statheads live in their parents’ basements, right?

The “Shorter” approach to Internetty commentary traces back, as best as one can tell, to Daniel Davies.

A southpaw of suds.

Beer is worth traveling for. Most times its to your nearest bar with crafts on tap, but many times its to your nearest beer festival with brewers plying their wares.

Some times it’s worth traveling to a ballpark for a non-baseball-reason. Not all of the ballparks boast only mass-brewed urine waters. Your rare stadium makes beer a priority and features suds worthy of a pilgrimage.

San Diego’s PetCo Park is just one such stadium.

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In part because I’d love to contribute to our new category “Comedy Jokes,” I have embedded an Internet Comedy Video. This Internet Comedy Video is of Joke-Cracker and Cracker of Jokes Louis C.K.’s riffing on how human society could be improved by the presence of Wild Lions. At the 4:40 mark Mr. C.K. will, as part of this Comedy Monologue, briefly insult the Kansas City Royals Baseball Club.

I should caution you that because this was first broadcast on Lamewad Network Color Television, you’ll notice the troubling absence of Reliable Curse Words like “!@#$%” and “#$%!@” and “Longinus.” My hope is that the Customer will nevertheless be satisfied by this Internet Comedy Video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-CvigrOuqE&feature=player_embedded

Thank you for watching the Preceding Internet Comedy Video.