As a wise man once said, “It’s dangerous to go alone.”  Sometimes, however, a man has to break away from his predecessors and forge his own path.  He has to challenge the accepted wisdom of their time.  He has to fight for the downtrodden, the shamed and ridiculed.   But despite his leadership and vision, unlike heroes like Jackie Robinson and John Glenn, one particular man will never have his number retired by major league baseball.

The problem: we aren’t exactly sure who that man is.

The spring of 1956 saw a country still gripped in the fear of the McCarthy era, a culture terrified of deviance.  It was the time for keeping one’s head down, maintaining the status quo.  And yet two men stood up to the crowd, unashamed of being who they were.  Unashamed of being nearsighted.  But which umpire bared his soul first?

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Daniel Bard threw 17 pitches in the Red Sox’ victory over the Yankees on Sunday night, but only one those (i.e. those pitches) was a changeup — the 3-2 pitch to Mark Teixeira you see GIF’d below.

Before we cut to the videotape, some notes on Bard’s offering:

• Per linear weights, this lone pitch was worth -0.35 runs — that is, it cost the Yankees that much.

• The pitch was recorded at 93.9 mph by Pitch F/x. Among pitchers who throw a changeup more than 1% of the time, Bard’s is the fastest, averaging 90.5 mph. This pitch was over three miles per hour faster than that.

• Provided the Pitch F/x data is correct in this situation, Bard’s changeup appeared to break even more than usual. On average, Bard’s changeup features 8.8 inches of armside run and 2.4 inches of rise (relative to a spinless ball, that is). This pitch (courtesy Brooks Baseball) was recorded as having 9.5 inches of armside run and 4.5 inches of drop.

If there’s a drawback to this situation, it’s that ESPN doesn’t appear to use the straight-on center-field camera at Fenway, which would give us a sense of how impractical Bard’s change really was.

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Over yonder at MiLB.com, they’re hosting a voting-enabled hootenanny to determine the best human-person name in minor-league baseball. I find that I support this exercise, with some qualifications. To wit, I expect — nay, demand! — great things for the likes of Jetsy Extrano (pictured above!), Dusty Harvard, Dock Doyle, Mark Hamburger, and Cameron Greathouse, who’s always using his fortunate station in life to lord over the chimney-sweep with the lazy eye.

Jetsy Extrano!

I’m definitely exaggerating when I say that the ad pictured above is literally the only one I ever see when I visit NotGraphs; however, I’m definitely telling the truth when I say that the golfer in said ad has blue and green light coursing through his body.

In any case, I find myself growing curiouser and curiouser: is this the perfect golf swing? Knowing little about the sport, it’s a question I’m unprepared to answer. However, utilizing the wisdom of the crowds, the solution to this once unsolvable question is only one expertly embdedded poll away from being discovered.

Below, you’ll find said poll. You’ll also find that, beyond a simple “Yes” and “No,” there’s a space where the reader-commenter can enter his own answer — a feature I believe will help us achieve Maximum Knowledge in this endeavor.

The earliest cave etchings teach us that the protective backstop netting is there to prevent fans from being ritually abused by the wayward cowhide. While this ancient practice is perfectly adequate for most mortal tossers, its shortcomings have been exposed by Aroldis Chapman and his weapons-grade left arm …

I’m no science-face, but clearly the netting at Wrigley needs extra polymer sauce when Mr. Chapman is on the bump. One does not simply walk into Mordor, just as one does not separate the people from Aroldis Chapman with anything less than a web of battleship chains.

(Errant fastball: HBT)

For those who were too young to watch — or just didn’t care about — Game 2 of the 1991 World Series, the abovely embedded image appears merely to be a depiction of the Kama Sutra maneuver known as the Melancholy Sea Captain.

Those familiar with the aforementioned game might be amused to discover that a bobblehead of the very famous Ron Gant/Kent Hrbek contretemps (pictured below) is being distributed as we speak to 10,000 friendly faced Minnesotans at Target Field.

Relive the excitement of the event via this low-resolution daguerreotype:

Historical event brought to author’s attention by THE Dan Lurie.

If someone were to ask you what you know about Tony Phillips and your reply were something to the effect of, “He was a great, if underrated, player for the A’s and Tigers,” then your reply would be incorrect, on account of it (i.e. your hypothetical reply) is in the past tense.

In fact, Tony Phillips, who turned 52 in April, appears to be an active ballplayer — for the Yuma Scorpions of the North American League.

Signed in mid-July, Phillips has posted a line of .317/.417/.415, with more walks than strikeouts, in 41 at-bats — i.e. not entirely dissimilar from the .266/.374/.389 he posted as a major leaguer.

Granted, that’s less impressive when considered in the context of the NABL’s league-wide line of .295/.378/.449, but it’s still above average and Phillips is still, uh, aged.

At this time, NotGraphs is unable to substantiate the mostly related rumor that Stan Javier and Walt Weiss were seen taking grounders in what was described as a “purposeful” manner.

Pauly Shore-style weasel handshake for Mike Silva.

the Pittsburgh Pirates shout because they won
and in a sense we’re all winning
we’re alive

— Frank O’Hara, “Steps”

One of the challenges of life is finding new ways to remind ourselves that it (i.e. life) is amazing. Louis CK laments our ability to do this consistently in a popular appearance on Conan O’Brien. But Louis CK has, by no means, cornered the market on attempting to reveal for the benefit of an audience that we’re all, always, winning.

In a sense, the work of poet Frank O’Hara — who, if you’re not familiar with him, was kind of a big deal in the the tiny, tiny world of poems — represents a constant attempt to provoke the reader into re-seeing the world.

In fact, if O’Hara’s work has a flaw, it’s that it suffers from an excess of enthusiasm. In baseball, we learn, only so many opportunities present themselves for the walkoff home run (or walkoff other-type-of-thing) and its attendant joys. Just as the constraints of a baseball game only conspire to create so many revelatory moments, so do the constraints of life. Pretending otherwise is disingenuous; writing poems that pretend otherwise makes those poems feel strained.

But O’Hara’s work is successful enough of the time to be important. And the reader, using discretion, can shape his approach to O’Hara’s work to maximize its benefits. The comparisons to how we might approach life are too obvious to be explicated. The difficulty, of course, is in the actual doing. When we speak of life being difficult, I assume this is what we’re talking about.

It is with a heavy heart that I must report, based on the reporting of others, that Marlins utility man and former Braves All-Star Omar Infante has sustained a devastating injury. To wit:

MIAMI — Florida Marlins second baseman Omar Infante has broken his right middle finger diving for a grounder against the St. Louis Cardinals.

Infante appeared in pain but stayed in the game Thursday night after his unsuccessful attempt to field the grounder by Skip Schumaker. The ball deflected off Infante’s glove and rolled into right field for a two-run double in the third inning.

This injury will severely limit Mr. Infante’s ability to make obscene gestures and play baseball for a yet undisclosed period of time. As of now, we can only hold our breaths and hope for the best.

Many may believe that this injury can be understood only as a freak occurrence that can simply be chalked up bad luck. I reject that. Every calamity must happen for a reason, after all, and (as NotGraphs’ foremost expert on the supernatural) I believe that Omar Infante is yet another player to fall victim to the infamous “Curse of Old Hoss.”

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Much like ESPN’s Buster Olney, I love anecdotes. Especially  baseball anecdotes. And most especially  if said baseball anecdotes are about, or have anything at all to do with, Joe West. The above, that’s a pretty good Joe West baseball anecdote.

I can’t help but wonder what Joe West was thinking, his tunes playing over Fenway Park’s speakers. I wonder if the fans were frightened. Massholes, help a brother out: Were you there? Do you remember this incredible occasion?

I also can’t help but wonder if John Smoltz had to do everything in his power to keep a straight face during his warm-up. And, most of all, I wonder if the tribute helped Smoltz’s strike zone.

Smoltz took the loss that fateful night, July 26, 2009. To Baltimore, no less. He allowed six runs in five innings, and gave up nine hits. He struck out six, and walked one. But it hardly mattered. Thanks to his warm-up, Smoltz had already won.