Archive for April, 2011

Photo: David Price and Hand Puppet


David Price has benefited greatly from play therapy.

There’s clearly a lot to enjoy about this photo — the fact that a talented major leaguer is wearing a hand puppet, the expression (which seems to say, “I don’t necessarily like you, but I respect the hell out of you”) on said major leaguer’s face, etc.

In this case, I’d like to draw attention to the angle in which Price’s cap is resting on his head — an exact replica, as it turns out, of the manner in which Dickens’ Artful Dodger wore his hat.

Image stolen directly from TampaBay.com. Brought to the author’s attention via the scrappy, always hustling Erik Hahnmann.


Fondest Monkey Dreams

If you will, please part the ever-thickening mists of time and think back to when we first met those blessed purveyors of miracles, Team Ghost Riders. If you were as moved as I was by what you witnessed — and indubitably you were — then you no doubt have been roused from sleep each night by a gnawing curiosity: Who is the patriot behind Team Ghost Riders, who have brought so much righteous joy to minor-league ballparks across this, the world’s only country?

Wonder no more, page viewers. Wonder no more …

I’m not sure if the quote is an original or something lifted from the Magna Carta, but it is surely among the greatest of all human utterances: “And in 1962 a little boy was born, and his dream and his goal was to own a monkey.”

Absorb it. Know it. Fathom it. Now repeat it: “And in 1962 a little boy was born, and his dream and his goal was to own a monkey.”


Is This a Great Play?


(Click to embiggen)

I was watching the top-80 plays of the week (or whatever arbitrary number they choose) last night on MLB Network, and this catch by Jason Kubel was #11.

MLB Network tells me it’s a great play, and they and ESPN and all the other “they”s have been telling me that similar catches have been telling me that similar catches are “great plays” ever since my first cable TV subscription. But really, is it great? How many other right fielders make that catch? Is it only a great play because Jason Kubel is so bad at outfielding that it take the utmost of his defensive effort in order to make a play that could be stressful but not entirely difficult for the average fielder?

Of course, maybe that is precisely what makes it a great play: it took anything and everything in Kubel’s defensive arsenal to make that play, and for that reason, we should be impressed. Perhaps I’m thinking too much like a UZR calculator, thinking that it’s not impressive if the average fielder makes that play 69.2735329% of the time.

Maybe. I’m not sure. Although what I am sure is that this precise dilemma is why we as a community have such a tremendously difficult time evaluating defensive players, even those that we watch every day with our own eyes.

But I digress. What do you guys think? Is it a great play?


Cap Bigamy: Four Ways It’s OK


A cry for help.

Last week, FanGraphs’ Joe Pawlikowski posed the above question to the entire world. Since I’m technically NotGraphs’ advice columnist, I thought I owed him a response.

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A Chuckle-Worthy Site Gag Featuring Kyle Blanks

If you’ve ever seen Kyle Blanks — in person, on TV, in a dream you had this one time but’d prefer not to talk about — then the above image (captured from the official site of Minor League Baseball) will give you a brief chuckle before you turn back to considerably more important things.

If you haven’t ever seen Blanks, then picture a bear in a Padres cap. Except the bear can talk and eats normal food. And it has to pay taxes like everyone else and also it has human parents. And it went to college for a little bit. And some other things.


Video: Joe West, Entire City Lose Respective Minds

Nominally, this is a WGN sports report from July of 1991. In reality, it’s a case study in what can happen when man is stripped of his civilizing influences.

Annotations follow, with time-elapsed marks.

0:00 — Video begins with frightening ghost-person* looking directly into soul of viewer. (*Direct translation from German.)

0:08 — Anchorman uses words “rock and roll” in manner befitting of his era.

0:10 — Festive collared t-shirt!

0:22 — Soccer player, for some reason, jogs behind correspondent at Wrigley Field.

0:44 — “Oop, that’s the wrong tape.”

0:56 — Joe West assumes the position.

1:04 — Joe West resumes the position.

1:11 — Andre Dawson experiments with look he calls the “I Just Killed Your Family.”

1:16 — Bat-tossing!

1:23 — Bat-tossing!

1:30 — Joe West experiments with look he calls “The Horrible Child.”

1:34 — Bat-tossing!

1:40 — Commence cheerful littering.

1:56 — Rob Dibble does legitimately strange thing.

2:01 — Unusually incisive commentary regarding Rob Dibble’s mental health.

2:31 — Andre Dawson gives brief tutorial on how to properly groom and wear a mustache.

2:47 — Andre Dawson distinguishes himself among ballplayers for using adverb.

3:28 — Andre Dawson articulates something particular about Joe West.

4:20 — Phrase “mighty Toronto Blue Jays” uttered without irony.

4:27 — Hawk Harrelson’s voice happens.

Deep, prostrating bow to reader/ubermensch glassSheets.


Spotted: Pitcher Wearing Jacket On Bases

From today’s Cubs/Dodgers game in Chicago (where it’s 45 degrees out according to the ever-suspicious Weather Channel), we have Chad Billingsley running the bases in a jacket.


(Click to embiggen)

I feel like a bird-watcher who has stumbled upon a bald eagle in its natural home. Shh, don’t disturb it! And if you touch its nest, it’ll throw away the children.

(Hat tip: Mike Petriello of Mike Scioscia’s Tragic Illness and much much more.)


MLB.TV Down for PlayStation Users


Life without MLB.TV can be painful.

Have you tried to watch a baseball game on your PlayStation 3 recently? Did you get a message like this after trying to sign in?

An error has occurred. You have been signed out of PlayStation Network. (80710A06)

If so, then you are everyone who’s tried to log on to same Network over the last 36 hours.

Per the official PlayStation blog:

While we are investigating the cause of the Network outage, we wanted to alert you that it may be a full day or two before we’re able to get the service completely back up and running. Thank you very much for your patience while we work to resolve this matter. Please stay tuned to this space for more details, and we’ll update you again as soon as we can.

National nightmare? Perhaps not. But as Slate notes, there are approximately 70 million subscribers to the PlayStation Network — which that’s pretty significant (although not news that’s “fit to print,” apparently).


Reveal Yourself, Mystery Uecker Writer-Abouter!


Bob Uecker is a fixture of American high-brow culture.

Though Larry Granillo of mortal enemy Baseball Prospectus is right to suspect that I’ve thought such a thing in my head, I did not write the following entry for Bob Uecker at Urban Dictionary (emphases mine, everything else sic):

One of the most legendary baseball announcers of all time. Born in 1935, Uecker was raised in Milwaukee, WI. Uecker played major league baseball for 5 seasons, stretching from 1962 to 1967. Career highlights include being “intentionally” walked by Sandy Koufax and getting out of rundown against the mets. He is also an established comedian and actor. His words are that of pure greatness, similar to ones of a deity. Uecker has numerous famous quotes like, “Juuuuust a bit outside” and “Heeey Struck him out”. (Uecker actually says He but in excitement it turns out to be Hey) Bob Uecker won the Ford C. Frick award in 2003 and is a Milwaukee Brewer Hall-of-Fame member. Bob Uecker is more than likely a disciple of God, and one of the greatest men to every grace this beautiful earth.

Who is the author? That’s the million-dollar lire question.

We have some clues, though:

• Our author’s user name is Mitchell-Francis.
• User Mitchell-Francis wrote two other definitions: a (negative) one for Lopez Tonight and also for Jimmy jacked.
• As in, “Everyone’s real jimmy-jacked that this post is finally over.”


My Most Favorite Baseball Players in the Whole Wide World, Part II

Last week, I gave you those baseball players that make up the latter half of my top 10 most favorite baseball players in the whole wide world. If you missed it, and would like to read my most scientific of scientific reasoning, here’s the post. However, since then, I’ve had to make one change to those very rankings. Here they are, in short order:

10. Melky Cabrera and Coco Crisp. It’s a tie. Actually, to be more specific, Melky Cabrera and Coco Crisp’s afro.
9. Kirk Rueter
8. Paul O’Neill
7. Tony Fernandez
6. Mark McGwire

Without further ado, I present my top five:

5. J.T. Snow

The more I thought about this most fruitful exercise, the more I thought about J.T. Snow. And I’ve come to the realization that, deep down, I’ve always had an affinity for slick-fielding first basemen. And that love affair began with J.T. Snow. The scoop at first, it’s an art. And Snow was an artist. He wasn’t the greatest hitter, and, even though he spent the majority of his career in the National League, I always kept a watchful eye on Jack Thomas’ career. And, hey, on top of winning six straight Gold Gloves, Snow saved young Darren Baker’s life. That counts. (On an aside, I’ll never forget Dusty Baker’s reaction in the dugout after the incident. Baker knew, as we all did, that when he got home that night, he was a dead man.) In the end, two years after his retirement, Snow’s career ended the way so many players’ don’t: He signed a one-day contract with San Francisco, and left the game once and for all a Giant.

4. Ken Griffey Jr.

“The Kid.” That swing. Along with John Olerud’s, the sweetest swing I’ve ever seen. It’s rare for a player so highly touted — a first overall draft pick — to not only meet, but exceed lofty expectations. Ken Griffey Jr. did, and more. He played with his father, he played with swagger, and he played center field the way I did in my dreams. Junior was the reason I wished I didn’t bat right-handed. Junior was the reason I tried, at the very least, to switch hit.

Last summer, I was in Seattle to watch the Mariners only a few of days after Junior announced his sudden retirement. I spoke to a man outside Safeco Field, who left a written message on a photo of Griffey Jr. that adorned the ballpark’s wall. (I did, too.) The man, this baseball stranger who I’d never met before and will never meet again, was super emotional as we spoke, after I asked him to describe what Griffey Jr. meant to him. “[Ken Griffey Jr.] built this ballpark, man” he said, fighting back tears. “He saved baseball in Seattle.” It was raw emotion. “I wanted one more chance to see him,” he said. We all did.

Junior did it all, from playing with his father, to playing at home in Cincinnati, to returning to Seattle, where it all began. Full circle. If healthy, there’s no doubt he goes down as one of the best ever. Growing up, it didn’t matter where you were from or who you rooted for. You wanted to be like “The Kid.”

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