The Process Report 2011 (available in PDF form or paperback), the new Rays annual from R.J. Anderson, Tommy Rancel, and Nicholas Macaluso is out, and it does not disappoint. The analysis and stories from the TPR writers as well as a host of others (including a foreword from our own Jonah Keri and a chapter from our own Joe Pawlikowski) provide excellent insight into the Rays and their upcoming season.
While the Texas Rangers have developed into an enviable and successful organization, one problem remains: the hellscape that is Arlington in August. This is also a problem in other baseball locales, but, for instance, the Diamondbacks parry the crippling heat with a magic roof, and in Miami no one goes to games. So that leaves Texas with their suffering, heat-stroked masses.
On this front, the innovations underway in Qatar can be instructive. Qatar, of course, will host the 2022 World Cup, and Qataris have concerns of their own when it comes to hot-ass weather. Their solution? I’m surprised I even need to say this, but their solution is awesome, awesome, awesome robot clouds.
The linked article depressingly refers to these wondrous things as “blimps,” but — let’s be serious here — these are clearly wizard robot clouds that, in keeping with their magical nature, will not only blot out the sun but also protect us from the winged silverback gorillas that secretly roam our skies with the most sinister of intentions.
So your move, Nolan Ryan and company. Do you want your fans to continue boiling alive by the thousands in your dutch oven of a ballpark? Then do nothing. Do you not want your fans to continue boiling alive by the thousands in your dutch oven of a ballpark? Then make with the robot clouds.
After a brief furlough for rest and relaxation, the feast-day celebrations return today with some combination of pomp and circumstance.
Life: While even the most casual of baseball fans will be familiar with Denton True “Cy” Young by virtue of the eponymous award given annually to each of the league’s (the American and National League’s, that is) best pitchers, it might come as a surprise to many that Young, himself, was not particularly dominant, only ever leading the league in ERA+ twice (1892 and 1901) over the span of a 22-year career. Rather, what distinguises Young from other pitchers is his control (leading the league in BB/9 for 13 seasons) and his unparalleled durability, a trait that enabled him to set records — in games started (814), complete games (749), innings pitched (7356.0), wins (511), and losses (316) — that still exist today. Born and raised on a farm in Gilmore, Ohio, Young returned to Ohio in 1912 (after retiring), where he lived and worked on his farm until his death in 1955.
Spiritual Exercise: Read the poem “Monday” by Primo Levi. Conjure in your mind a man for whom, instead of sadness, mindless repetition brings comfort and joy. Does the man resemble Cy Young? (If not, you’re likely doing this wrong.)
We’re pleased to present here the inaugural post from Mr. Patrick Cain. Mr. Cain’s work has appeared in ESPN The Magazine and Bloomberg Businessweek, among other publications. His skill set includes “talking to people and then writing it down” — a trait that will hopefully make the pages of NotGraphs brighter than the brightest summer day. In what follows, he shows off his ability to embed video, as well.
It’s not easy being a Yankee. The 2011 season, with division rivals sharpening their teeth, will be no different. Would anyone blame a Bronx Bombers are having problems sleeping? Friends at NY-based sports-humor group, 12 Angry Mascots, understand they understand what’s really behind a lack of z’s. Thankfully, Curtis Granderson is a good sport.
The group performs next on April 7 at The Peoples Improv Theater.
Is this the best possible use for Google Alerts? If not, I’m thinking it’s close, at least.
H/T: Unfettered Joy
No doubt, you’ve thumbed through Da Vinci’s notebooks and seen crude sketches of this:
That’s the Bottom’s Up beer dispenser, and, much like felt renderings of poker-playing dogs and season one of “Temptation Island,” it’s another of Da Vinci’s dreams for civilization that has been triumphantly realized. This innovation, obviously, will help beer vendors move product, and, much more importantly, it will also bring domestic swill to parched American lips that much faster. So it comes with little surprise that the Red Sox are early adopters of Jesus’s favorite thing ever.
As any good binge drinker knows, it’s the destination, not the journey, and the Bottom’s Up will help get you there faster than something that’s extraordinarily fast plus a tailwind. Until next summer’s release of the Bud Light Lime IV Bag, this will have to do.
Joe West. Umpire. Singer-songwriter. Golfer. President. Equipment — “West Vest” — designer. Actor. Cowboy. Adventurer. The Great Ejector.
Last, and probably most impressive of all, Olympian.
There is nothing, friends, that Joe West cannot do.
If today you watch only one profane video of an Ozzie Guillen impersonator explicating a tale of Jazz-Age pathos, then please, please, please make it this one. Believe me when I say this is buffering time well spent.
(Steely yet grateful gaze: Big League Stew)
You scared of Emilio Bonifacio? You should be.
The “Deal With It” meme has been circling for some time now. Apparently, it may have its’ origins in High School Musical according to this detailed discussion of the meme. Let’s not let that spoil the fun.
Florida Marlins fans may be well acquainted with the flaws in Emilio Bonifacio’s game. You know what? He cares not, as he’s the likely fore-runner for the starting third base spot now that prospect Matt Dominguez was sent down. Cue the gif.
You know what, though? We may have found the high-water mark for this meme, the moment at which the wave will break and recede, leaving all manner of broken links in its path as it returns. Well, it’s either the Bonifacio gif, or this one.
H/T: Erik Manning (Bonifacio), CajoleJuice (Nosewash)
Artiste de l’art: Susan Miller-Havens. Artiste de la vie: Pedro Martinez.
Kind of piling it on at this point in our private life-achievements competition, Pedro Martinez will have his portrait unveiled today in the Smithsonian’s National Portrait Gallery. Here’s a sneak peek of the painting, which is called “El Orgullo y la Determinacion (Pride and Determination).” The artist, Susan Miller-Havens, has several other baseball-related paintings on her site.
Since Pedro first achieved greatness in bilingual Montreal, and since our topic today is “fine art,” I thought I would reproduce the following brief news story on this matter from the French-Canadian website Canoe.ca. Read the rest of this entry »
