Earlier today, Full-Time Employee Dave Cameron announced that FanGraphs will be hosting not one butbutbut two live events in Phoenix, Arizona — on March 11th and 12th, respectively.

While Cameron’s notice surely gives a basic sense of what to expect, I thought I might elaborate on some other notable events that are sure to occur as the weekend unfolds.

Here are they are, in no particular order:

• Eno Sarris will not once be seen in the same room as Malcolm Gladwell. This, of course, has less to do with their physical resemblance and way more to do with how Macolm Gladwell will actually just be swimming in a pile of money in some gigantic New York loft apartment.

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Who doesn’t love a good death threat? While this bit of sociopathy isn’t quite as beautiful as the recent lawsuit filed against P-Diddy, it’s still pretty crackin’ good.

Obviously, the best part is when threatener assures the threatened that the address on the envelope is indeed fake — just in case Mr. Smoky Joe Wood was pondering putting the fuzz on the scent or seizing the initiative and showing up for pistols at dawn.

Curiously, Mr. Wood wound up curiously dying at the curious age of 95. Suffice it to say, the Investigative Reporting Investigation Team is on it like something that adheres quite strongly to something else.

(Curtsy: Deadspin)

News from the internet reveals that the Alberta Clipper which descended last night upon the Upper-ish Midwest, has wreaked havoc upon damaged one thing at Chicago’s Wrigley Field.

Regard, courtesy of the Associated Press:

CHICAGO (AP) — Wrigley Field has been damaged by a severe storm that caused tiles to fall from the top of the press box at the 97-year-old ballpark.

Emergency Management spokesman Roderick Drew says high winds from the snowstorm battering Chicago on Tuesday night sent the tiles flying. Two streets near the Chicago Cubs’ famous stadium were closed to cars and pedestrians.

[…]

Drew says high winds were keeping maintenance crews from repairing the tiles. He says crews from the city’s building department were also on the site monitoring the situation.

Unfortunately, for Cubs fans, Alfonso Soriano and Kosuke Fukudome were not affected in any way by the storm.

Oh don’t worry B-R, I’ll be ready

The great Sports Reference Head Honcho Sean Forman has put out a bulletin looking for subjects to test the new Sports Reference sites. For only one hour of your time between February 9th and February 18th, you’ll receive $50 and the official uniform of the new world order a Baseball-Reference t-shirt. Of course, as with all great things, there is a catch. This time, the catch is that said testers must go to the city of Philadelphia, a fate survivable by only the most hardy.

Baseball-Reference is a tremendously useful resource, even given all we have available here at FanGraphs, and it’s in the best interest of every baseball fan to make sure that the site runs as smoothly and efficiently as possible. If you live in the Philadelphia area, this would be a great opportunity to pick up a quick buck and help out the online baseball community at the same time, and that’s something we can all get behind.

This image, current as of 12:46pm ET on Tuesday, confirms what has long been brewing — namely, that workers of the Baseball Think Factory have organized a strike and will produce no new content for the site until ruthless boss Dan Szymborski meets their demands.

The Investigative Reporting Investigation Team will report details as they become available.

UPDATE: As of 12:53pm ET, the site appears to be running smoothly once again. Strong-arm tactics on the union’s part? Dirty dealings from Szymborski? We may never know.

Given that the Dodgers-Giants blood feud already has a body count, what follows might strike some as an example of imprudent brinksmanship:

As most of you die hard fans know, The World Champion San Francisco Giants open up Major League Baseball play at Chavez Ravine in Los Angeles. In this hostile environment The World Champion San Francisco Giants will need the support of The World Champion San Francisco Giant’s Faithful. The plan is to fly a banner 3 miles above Chavez Ravine that says, “Giants 2010 Champs: BEAT LA”. This banner will fly in Los Angeles for the Thursday, Saturday and Sunday games for an hour and 20 minutes. It is a great way to pay tribute to The World Champion San Francisco Giants while giving the other organization a taste of what it is like to be World Series Champions: something they haven’t tasted since 1988. So, we ask the faithful of The World Series San Francisco Giants to pledge whatever you can to make this idea, this dream, a reality.

As righteous causes go, it’s hard to argue that this one ranks up there with St. Jude, but if nothing else one must admire the grassroots zeal. My only complaint is that “Beat L.A.” is a bit tepid and uninspired. I mean, if you’re going to risk inciting a riot at least ramp up the airborne taunt with something like, “Ha ha, Dodgers, you suck!” or “Vin Scully doesn’t recycle!” or “Sandy Koufax was decidedly a belly-itcher!” or “You are all foul-smelling, withered gargoyles, the lot of you!” or “Barry Bonds was better than Franklin Stubbs!” or “One could argue –and this flying machine does — that the 1981 championship wasn’t entirely legitimate!” or the like.

Mostly, I’m left wondering what you, upstanding readers, would put on the flying banner if you were taunting your rivals from the heavens and had set up a 501c3 to that end. Regale us!

Sometimes, a card just fails on all levels and deserves some constructive criticism. You, you 1973 Topps Steve Garvey, you need a little more… Steve Garvey in there. And maybe some sort of impressive moment would help – a few seconds before or after this moment might have even worked. And you, 1991 Upper Deck Melido Perez, you do realize Perez was an American League Pitcher, right? How about getting your subject to look at the camera while you are at it. See? we can workshop these things like any short story.

The trouble with some past lists that have attempted to collate the worst baseball cards is that they’ve missed the point a little. Silly hair or a bad word on a bat don’t take away from the value of the baseball card – in the case of Billy Ripken’s famous bat, it actually added value to a card that otherwise would not have had any. And interesting hair – bad or good – usually adds to the entertainment value.

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I’ll submit that — with the exception of the present site, obviously — that the SB Nation network features some of the better baseball writing one can find anywhere. I’ve definitely expressed publicly my feelings for — and made feel awkward in probably a sexual way — writers like Lookout Landing’s Jeff Sullivan, Viva El Birdos’ Dan Moore, and Gaslamp Ball’s jbox. There are, like, six other names I could add to that list of authors who’ve made me feel jealous for something they’ve written

Now, turns out, Rob Neyer is bringing his talents to this particular team, as well — and he (i.e. Neyer) appears determined to make good writing his priority.

From his introductory salvo as SB Nation’s National Baseball Editor:

I’ve got a lot of passions, and generally I won’t bore you with them. But the passion I indulge almost every day of my life is good writing. I crave it, and when I find it, I treasure it. I surround myself with books full of good writing, and I can’t get through the day without scribbling down a brilliant sentence or delightful word in a thick journal that’s always close at hand.

Also, it’s my business. I’m one of the lucky few who gets paid to indulge his first love.

Where the good writing comes from, though, is irrelevant. All that matters is the writing.

You’re paid to write? I know lots of professional writers who either never learned to write well, or have forgotten. You work for a famous website or newspaper? The big boys don’t have a monopoly on good writing, let alone facts.

There are a lot of things to love about SB Nation, which is why I’m here. But among them is that they — excuse me, we — don’t see us as us and you as them. We’ve got bloggers who most professional writers probably consider them … but we know better. We know that some of our writers are every bit as talented and knowledgeable as anyone you’ll find working for newspapers or the Big Boy websites. We also know that today’s readers are tomorrow’s writers, and that often the only difference is opportunity (one fantastic thing about the Web is that opportunity is everywhere).

Nobody’s got a monopoly on good writing, or the facts. If you can come up with one or the other or (ideally) both, you’re in the club. That’s one of the First Principles.

Here at NotGraphs, I like to think we’re in the business of educating. (Like most educators, we’re also paid very, very handsomely.) We’re here to educate on some of the less nerdy wonders of baseball, the game we all hold closest to our bosom. To educate on, sometimes, certain wonders found on the internet that are tied to baseball in only the loosest of ways.

Like what you’re about to watch. (See what I did there?)

Below is the transcript of a recent instant message conversation I had with a good friend of mine, who I’ll call NotKien …

NotKien:

Bro. Go to YouTube. Search “Teach me how to Dougie Chris Brown.” Watch the video. Tell me what you see.

I, of course, obliged.

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