Young Lance Berkman

Young Lance Berkman, although generally quite happy, affects for all photos a look he calls, “brooding teenage thunder.”

Young Lance Berkman is wearing a paisley cummerbund (not pictured).

To Young Lance Berkman, the paisley cummerbund is not “novelty”; it is merely “sweet.”

Young Lance Berkman, in the summer ahead, will touch boob at the snack bar at the water slide.

Young Lance Berkman owes his hair to L’Oreal sculpting mousse.

Young Lance Berkman tells people he owes his hair to used Valvoline.

Young Lance Berkman, despite impassioned claims to the contrary, did not rip his Girbaud jeans on a nail.

Young Lance Berkman dreams of making urgent, forbidden love to Heather Thomas.

Ideally, Young Lance Berkman will make urgent, forbidden love to Heather Thomas on top of the snack bar at the water slide.

More ideally still, Young Lance Berkman, while making urgent, forbidden love to Heather Thomas on top of the snack bar at the water slide, will sprout wings not unlike those of the Pontiac Firebird.

Young Lance Berkman will use those wings to get Heather Thomas out of this dead-end town.

Young Lance Berkman will figure this thing out yet.

(HT: Snakkle and Todd’s championship Twitter feed)