Winning

As you’ve surely heard by now, according to Charlie Sheen, Charlie Sheen is winning. At drugs, at life, at everything. And that fact is not lost on today’s baseball players. At least not the Kansas City Royals, according to Hardball Talk’s Craig Calcaterra:

Mucho talk in the Royals clubhouse about Charlie Sheen. Guys daring each other to answer every media question with “winning.”

Ironic, considering the Royals know next to nothing about winning. Heyo! And, yes, I will be here all week. Tuesdays and Fridays, usually, but sometimes I pop in unscheduled.

Sports Illustrated’s trusty Vault also got in on the fun, tweeting a Scorecard article from April 1996, when Sheen was spending $6,537.50 on extracurricular activities other than cocaine:

He Couldn’t Buy a Home Run

Actor Charlie Sheen paid $6,537.50 to buy most of the seats behind the leftfield fence in Anaheim Stadium last Friday night, hoping to catch a home run ball. Sheen and three friends sat alone, 20 rows up, and watched the California Angels-Detroit Tigers game, on the chance that someone—preferably Tigers slugger Cecil Fielder—might postmark a round-tripper to their vicinity. “I didn’t want to crawl over the paying public,” said Sheen, the hell-raising star of Hot Shots! Part Deux and other cinematic landmarks, in explaining why he bought up the 2,615 seats. “I wanted to avoid the violence.” Alas, no one homered and the Sheen crew went ball-less.

And to think what $6,500 used to buy the erstwhile Heidi Fleiss client.

I think we, as a society, have much to learn from Charlie Sheen. Well, not much, but something, surely. It’s Sheen’s honesty that I’ve been most impressed by. In an interview with NBC, Sheen was quoted:

I’m underpaid right now. I’m tired of pretending like I’m not special. I’m tired of pretending like I’m not bitchin’, a total … rock star from Mars.

You know who’s the baseball equivalent of a rock star from Mars? Albert Pujols. Wouldn’t it have been rather awesome if King Albert took a page out of Sheen’s book — his honesty book, just to be clear — at his press conference, after he and the St. Louis Cardinals failed to come to terms on an extension?

Yes. It would have been.

A couple of other links of note:

Sports Pickle: Baseball Adds Charlie Sheen To List Of Banned Substances.

“Charlie Sheen is among the most powerful narcotics in the world,” said [Bud] Selig.

Quickish: Fantasy Baseball Team Names Inspired By Charlie Sheen’s Rantings. My favorite: “Just Winning Every Second.”

I said it on Twitter last night: Thank you, Charlie Sheen. And get well soon. Major League IV needs to happen.

Addendum:

Charlie Sheen, on marriage:

I tried marriage. I’m 0 for 3 with the marriage thing. So, being a ballplayer — I believe in numbers. I’m not going 0 for 4. I’m not wearing a golden sombrero.

He’s off his rocker, but he’s right. Nobody wants to go 0-for-4.

Image courtesy Theo Gosselin.