Why Does the 2014 MLB Season Suddenly Feel Like 1794?

The usually-excellent Jonah Keri has a fine-looking piece I haven’t read yet over on Grantland making the case that the low batting averages and high strikeout rates this season are making 2014 feel like 1968.

I think he’s wrong. I think this season feels like 1794. Here’s why:

In 1794, the first session of the United States Senate was open to the public. In 2014, Astros games are also open to the public, although fewer people have noticed.

In 1794, Eli Whitney was granted a patent for the cotton gin. In 2014, baseball uniforms are made out of cotton.

In 1794, the Polish people overthrew the Russians in Warsaw. In 2014, Jeff Samardzija. Is he Polish? Czech?

In 1794, chemist Antoine Lavoisier was executed by guillotine. In 2014, Carlos Santana will be executed by guillotine IF HE DOESN’T START HITTING AGAIN WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM HE IS THE CORNERSTONE OF MY SCORESHEET TEAM WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY IS HE BATTING .132?

In 1794, British troops captured Port-au-Prince in Haiti. In 2014, Sandy Alderson captured Bobby Abreu and Kyle Farnsworth and put them on a baseball field for the first time since 1946.

In 1794, Horatio Nelson lost the sight in his right eye in a British military operation at Calvi in Corsica. In 2014, Brian McCann lost his batting eye and stopped walking.

In 1794, the United States and Great Britain concluded the Jay Treaty, the basis for ten years of peaceful trade between the two nations. In 2014, the Mariners traded Hector Noesi to the Rangers, leading to Noesi pitching a horrible seven-run inning for the Rangers and peace between no one at all.

In 1794, coffee was forbidden by royal decree in Sweden. I think baseball is going to ban it soon too.

In 1794, the French Republic abolished slavery. In 2014, only Stephen Drew and Kendrys Morales are slaves.

My case has been made.