Ways Chris Carter Is and Is Not Like Pedro Cerano

This is the title of an empty note I made last night. I’m not sure why I wrote it, or what prompted it. I’m guessing a combination of Scotch whiskey and jet lag contributed, but I can’t quite put my finger on why I actually took the time to write it down, and what I thought I’d get from it. However, as small of a gift as it may be, I will not look it’s presenting horse in the mouth. The following are differences and similarities between Astros first baseman/outfielder/DH Chris Carter, and fictional baseball player Pedro Cerano.

(EDIT: Fine Internet User @KevinBassStache alerted me to the picture, which comes via CSN’s Julia Morales.)

Situation #1: Hats for Bats

Cerano, in a classic “That Foreigner Doesn’t Understand How We Use That Thing In America!” fashion, mistakes Roger Dorn’s golf club head cover for a hat for bats. You know, to keep bats warm. We are delighted to see this ploy throughout the movie.

Chris Carter chooses to keep his bat warm with some flimsy gloves, which may help explain his .210 batting average since his bat is COLD! I will pause for your thunderous applause of gratitude.

Conclusion #1: Chris Carter is NOT like Pedro Cerano

Situation #2: Prodigious Power

That’s beautiful, man.

Check out the scoreboard now, grasshopper.

Conclusion #2: Chris Carter IS like Pedro Cerano

Situation #3: Voodoo

Pedro Cerano makes sacrifices of cigars, rum, and KFC to his idol Jobu, to help him hit the curve ball.

Chris Carter is obviously cursed.

Conclusion #3: Chris Carter is NOT like Pedro Cerano

Situation #4: Team Success

Via CoolStandings.com:

Conclusion #4: Chris Carter is NOT like Pedro Cerano

This is why I get paid the big bucks, you guys. To double-triple-check that an actual baseball player is not the same person as a fictional character portrayed by an actor who now does insurance commercials. Now we can all get back to focusing on A-Rod, just like everybody wants.