UETAMEJ!
I know what you’re thinking: “What is UETAMEJ, and what can it do for me?” Like the best acronyms, UETAMEJ is pronounceable (our own Bradley Woodrum pronounces it “you-da-mage“) and fits conveniently on the full complement of CafePress swag. As you’ve probably already guessed, it stands for, “Using Ellipses Toward A More Evil Journalism.” I hardly need to say this, but the practice of UETAMEJ, which is as ancient as it is sacred, entails the use of the ellipsis in tandem with words and phrases ripped from context and stripped of intended meaning.
This week’s victim is America’s Step-Father Dan Shaughnessy, who recently declared from on high that neither the Red Sox nor the Yankees will win the World Series. Yawn, it would seem. But what’s really going on? Peer more deeply and you’ll find an old Shaughnessy staple: the sexy tone-poem!
Release the UETAMEJ!
[S]tare at one another from a distance … Why not? … collision … bursting … four hours and 21 minutes … Deep … every night. Dominant and … laden. Let’s start … A bone … buffeted … in … a bust. [I]s anyone uncomfortable … ? Let’s not forget … the toilet. Mocking the … shape … the mound … the rotund … favorite … ball … Nobody feels good … for the next three weeks.
Behold the evil journalism!
Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at CBSSports.com's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.
As someone who likes his fair share of ellipses…reading that passage from Shaughnessey was like watching the gang rape scene from Clockwork Orange for the first time: deeply unsettling, and leaving me unsure that I can look at my beloved punctuation the same way.
But were you humming “Singing in the Rain” when you read it?
No, it was far more sinister. I could hear “I Feel Pretty” from West Side Story going in the background. I don’t know what that has to say about things/me.