UETAMEJ!

I know what you’re thinking: “What is UETAMEJ, and what can it do for me?” Like the best acronyms, UETAMEJ is pronounceable and fits conveniently on the full complement of CafePress swag. As you’ve probably already guessed, it stands for, “Using Ellipses Toward A More Evil Journalism.” I hardly need to say this, but the practice of UETAMEJ, which is as ancient as it is sacred, entails the use of the ellipsis in tandem with words and phrases ripped from context and stripped of intended meaning.

This week’s victim is the likable and excellent Ray Ratto, who recently penned a likable and excellent column on last night’s absurd happenings in Atlanta. But what’s he really saying?

Release the UETAMEJ!

Jerry Meals[,] . . . acknowledge that this is . . . the crime of the century. Jerry Meals screwed this one up, spectacularly so, . . . because he is inherently evil. God in heaven, will you please . . . murder . . . Jerry Meals[?] Because it is my firm belief that . . . baseball would benefit from . . . the . . . murder . . . of . . . Jerry Meals. Reasonable people can . . . shut up.

I . . . will . . . be . . . in the only bar in Atlanta that stays open beyond 3 a.m. . . . with . . . a jackhammer[,] . . . Tim Donaghy[,] . . . some . . . hallucinogens[,] . . . and . . . a tomato with eyes.

Behold the evil journalism!