Tweet: Bert Blyleven Prefers a Godless Existence

The poet Phillis Wheatley believed that suffering in general and forced servitude in particular were large, good things, so long as they led to salvific awakening. Hall of Famer Mr. Bert Blyleven would seem to disagree.

Indeed, Hall of Famer Mr. Bert Blyleven has assayed this stinking life and determined that if suffering is the price of a divinely crafted world steered by something utmost and bearded, then he’ll just have the buffet, thanks …

The Twins have had a frustrating season so far. They say losing builds creator! Who the heck wants creator. Let’s win some games in Detroit!

— Bert Blyleven (@CircleMeBertHOF) May 16, 2012

Something Hall of Famer Mr. Bert Blyleven did not say but provably thought during a recent broadcast:

“If there is a God, then he lacks the power to stop what is happening to the Twins. Thus he is not omnipotent. Or perhaps he isn’t aware of what is happening to the Twins. Thus he is not omniscient. Or perhaps he chooses not to halt what is happening to the Twins — i.e, he is the absent clock-winder held up by the Founders before they became Evangelicals in the 1980s. Thus we are but handmaidens to his most baleful whims. If this — this — is my embarras de choix, then make mine darkness.”

So we shall, Hall of Famer Mr. Bert Blyleven, so we shall …