Three People Who Have Never Been In My Kitchen

Get ready, because I’m about to do you a tremendous favor.

It is really freaking hard to get on Jeopardy!. I mean, I’m the smartest person you know, and I haven’t been on it, so you just know it’s incredibly difficult. First, you have to pass an online test, and get invited for another round of testing and auditions, and even if you make that cut, there’s no guarantee you’ll make it onto the show in a given season.

Indeed, the entire process is set up just to remind us that, as smart as we are, we’ll never graduate beyond being the most obnoxious person at bar trivia. It’s unfair and a little mean.

And so, it’s with great pleasure that I present you with a Jeopardy! answer that none of the contestants got right but that will fill you with an abundance of joy and pride and a false sense of accomplishment and superiority:

“This ‘fishy’ outfielder put up huge numbers for the Angels in his 2012 Rookie of the Year-winning season”

The answer is, of course, Tim Salmon.

There, now aren’t you filled with pride. For once, you are smarter than the Jeopardy! people. Suck on that, Ken Jennings.

Huh? Wrong?  Oh man, I didn’t phrase that in the form of a question, did I? Oh well, everyone’s dad Ted Kluszewski is still proud. Aren’t you Ted?

Yes. Yes, I do.