Things You Can Apply for Online: Cubs P.A. Announcer Job

Do you have a voice as sweet as honey-baked ham sans ham, which I imagine would be quite sweet? (Food metaphor! … Actually, food simile, but rules of usage, much like parents, just don’t understand.) If that describes you and your pipes, then the Chicago Cubs are leveling their Uncle Sam-like pointer finger in your direction. That means they quite possibly want you!

Yes, the Cubs have teamed with CareerBuilder.com, which is a computer Web site that helps you build your career, to find a a new public-address announcer. Some qualifications:

Strong vocal talent, excellent enunciation skills

Strong public speaking skills and ability to speak extemporaneously to large crowds

Strong knowledge of baseball

Must be available for all Chicago Cubs 81 regular season home games, makeup games, tie breaker games, play-off games and non-game day events. Schedule includes nights, weekends, non-traditional hours and holidays, as needed

Ability to work outdoors during periods of extreme weather

Prior experience working as a Public Address Announcer in collegiate or professional sports (television or radio preferred)

Interest in supporting Cubs’ community and charitable efforts a plus

If I were Rick Reilly, at this point I would include yuks like … “Preference given to those who are also left-handed relievers. Ha!” Or: “Don’t worry about the whole ‘play-off games’ part. Ha!” Or: “His doctor told him to play 36 holes a day, so he went out and bought a harmonica. Ha!”

Instead, I’ll focus on the grim “periods of extreme weather” throwaway line and warn you that in Chicago we sometimes have … THUNDERSNOW!!!1!1!!!ONE!!1!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJt4nV6hM1Y

ARGH!

But seriously, the Cubs are looking for a new P.A. announcer, and by using the Careerbuilder.com interface you can —

Shit: THUNDERSNOW!!!1!1!!!ONE!!1!