Things That Should Probably Be on a Scoreboard

Francoeur is as Francoeur does.

The informed reader will no doubt have learned by now that the Royals have extended Perpetual Sabermetric Talking-Point Jeff Francoeur for two more years. The news has sent ripples of self-righteous pleasure through the baseballing nerdosphere, nor is such a reaction wholly unjustified: despite his decent 2011, Francoeur probably isn’t even an average major leaguer. To their credit, the Royals aren’t really paying him like one, either: the reported contract of two years and $13.5 million suggests something like a 1.5-win player — something that Francoeur is probably capable of being.

For the present, though, we’ll put aside contractual matters and turn our attention to another thing for which Francoeur is known. For it was in a May 2009 piece by ESPN’s Jerry Crasnick regarding plate discipline that Francoeur famously asked the question “If on-base percentage is so important, then why don’t they put it up on the scoreboard?”

Some pointed out at the time (and rightfully so) that it’s not really the responsibility of a club’s scoreboard department to paint a precise portrait of a player’s value. Others — like Craig Calcaterra, for example — noted that OBP actually is on the scoreboard.

What if we took Francoeur’s comment literally, though? If we were to use importance as the only criteria of what should appear on a stadium’s scoreboard, what information would most likely appear there?

Here’s a totally non-exhaustive list of what I, personally, would most like to see on a scoreboard:

• Wedding Anniversary, Date Of
• Children, Names and Birth Dates Of
• Illegitimate Children, Names or Birth Dates Of (One or the other’s fine)
• Dress Shirt, Sizes In
• Netflix Account, Effing Password For
• Pants, Location Of
• P.G. Wodehouse, Collected Works Of
• SSRI, Correct Dosage Of
• Louis CK, His 10 Best Jokes or Something
• PayPal Account, David Appelman’s User Name and Password For

Like I say, totally non-exhaustive. Thoughts?