The Feast of Tristram the So Good

Today’s exercise in unconscionable blasphemy asks you to believe the not-very-but-still-sorta believable.

Life: It’s very possible that even intelligent fans are unaware that only six position players ever have out-WARed Tris Speaker, they (i.e. the six) being Babe Ruth, Barry Bonds, Ty Cobb, Willie Mays, Hank Aaron, and Honus Wagner. Over 22 years, Speaker slashed .345/.428/.500 (for a 158 wRC+, the 11th-best career figure ever, and one shared by Mark McGwire and Stan Musial) while playing an above-average center field for the larger part of his career.

Spiritual Exercise: Speaker was the first player to steal 50 bases and hit 50 doubles in a season — and the only player besides Craig Biggio to ever do that thing. Ask yourself: what’s something you have done that only one person in the next hundred years is likely to duplicate? Ask yourself, also: was that certain thing entirely legal?

A Prayer for Tris Speaker

Tris Speaker!
Like a female
Russian tennis player,
I’m just vaguely
aware that you exist
but pleasantly surprised
by your talents.

Unlike with those
same Russians, however,
I’ve never once
found myself
secretly grateful
to whomever designed
your outfit.