The Feast of Santo Santo the Thrice-Lifed

Described alternately as a “balm for the soul” and “something that only gaywads like,” our feast-day exercise continues with Santo the Thrice-Lifed.

Life: Despite having posted the eighth-highest WAR among third basemen ever (79.3), Santo has never fared particularly well in Hall of Fame voting. Diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at the age of 18, Santo was forced to have both legs amputated, though he’s remembered as an unequivocally affirmative and generous person. For the last 20 years of his life, he worked as a color commentator for WGN Radio’s coverage of the Chicago Cubs — a post for which he received mixed (read: superbad) reviews.

Ritual: To celebrate the life of Ron Santo, receive praise for that which you do poorly, and remain unrecognized for that which you do well. Start… now!

A Prayer for Ron Santo

There are three Ron Santos in Ron Santo:
the shockingly underrated third baseman
the spokesman for human dignity
and the roundly panned radio voice
of the very depressing Cubs.

Three-in-one, one-in-three:
you are either a modern instance
of the holy trinity, Ron Santo,
or a very expensive pocket knife!

Alternate Prayer

While the sound of one hand clapping
remains an unsolved mystery,
the sound of Ron Santo clapping
has been documented extensively
courtesy of the Cubs Radio Network.