Texting Derek Jeter

We’ve all been there: In a text message exchange, with no idea how to end it. Do you respond to the smiley face? With a smiley face of your own? Do you show some teeth? What about the smiley face wearing a party hat? Or the one wearing sunglasses? A thumbs up? What’s the bloody protocol? It’s all very confusing.

At least it was, until Wednesday. Until the one and only Cliff Lee showed us all how it’s done. Prompted repeatedly via SMS by his former teammate Ian Kinsler to “Just sign it,” the Texas Rangers’ contract offer, Lee responded by sending Kinsler a photo of a deer shot on Clifton Phifer’s estate by a friend.

Brilliant. Why didn’t I think of that?

Anyway, the electronic banter between buddies Kinsler and Lee got me thinking: What have Derek Jeter’s former — for now — teammates been texting him? Thankfully, we here at NotGraphs have immeasurable resources, and were able to find out.

Mark Teixeira, Nov. 20, 2010, 8:48 pm:

I can’t believe they’re offering you less per season than Burnett!

Andy Pettitte, Nov. 22, 2010, 3:37 pm:

Tell CASHman you’re thinking about retiring. Works. Every. Time.

Mariano Rivera, Nov. 22, 2010, 9:07 pm:

You know Derek, 3 years and $45 million isn’t so bad. Jesus is everything!

Alex Rodriguez, Nov. 23, 2010, 4:31 pm:

Cameron Diaz. Your move, Captain.

C.C. Sabathia, Nov. 26, 2010, 9:32 am:

We gotta talk. Free for lunch? Buffet! I’m buying.

A.J. Burnett, Nov. 28, 2010, 10:01 pm:

I can’t believe they’re offering you less per season than Burnett!

Nick Swisher, Nov. 30, 11:42 am:

WHAT UP BRAH?

Alex Rodriguez, Dec. 1, 3:11 am:

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Brian Cashman, Dec. 2, 6:21 pm:

No hard feelings?

The New York Yankees: One big, happy family.

Two posts into my not-so-illustrious NotGraphs career, and they’ve both been about Derek Jeter. I’m sorry. For your sake and mine, let’s pray this gets resolved before next Tuesday.

If you need me, I’ll be in my backyard, hunting.

Image courtesy Greg Schmigel.