Spotted: Total Nerdbone

Unlike Dayn Perry, I’ve never impregnated even one of the Ladies of America. When I do, however, I hope my issue grows up to look and act and be exactly like this kid, spotted at Thursday night’s Red Sox-Rangers game playing Nintendo DS or whatever with cartoonishly large headphones.
Carson Cistulli has published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.
Where are his parents?
and did they not let him know that Wake was pushed back a day, and not pitching last night?