Some suggestions for never-before-used home run calls
If you’re weary of the usual fare when it comes to broadcaster’s home run calls (i.e., “Back, back, back, gone!” or “Golly toots, a long potato!”), then please do consider encouraging your local mic-wielder to take some of the following suggestions for a test drive.
For instance, when a fair-hit ball clears fencing, the announcer might exclaim …
– “This all-you-can-eat seafood buffet just got pregnant!”
– “Are you ready for some football?!”
– “Go find a new a new grandpa, kid, because the one you know and love just got slaughtered!”
– “RBI, Brandon Phillips!”
– “Torquemada’s biscuits!”
– “King Kong’s ding dong!”
– “Donald Sutherland’s panties!”
– “Last night, I drank alone in the dark, just as my father did!”
– “The vicar died clutching not his rosary, but rather his secrets!”
Or …
– “Hand over your badge and service revolver, O’Boyle. You’re on unpaid leave as of this moment!”
Thank you for your measured consideration.
Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at CBSSports.com's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.
Am I alone in thinking that “King Kong’s ding dong” sounds like it could be a real one?
That was easily my favorite.
Sweet tits of Tayna, but that is one fine Perry-ism. All that, and it rhymes, too! Amazin’!
I had a mouthful of soda as I read that one. My keyboard and computer screen flirted with near tragedy.
Was it RC Cola, Mr. RC?
I had this thought, too! RC Cola, soda of choice during ANY recession or economic malaise brought on by godlessness and Obamacare.